Smiles and laughs

It's my birthday!

Dinner tonight in a private room at the club--I'm wearing my favorite dress, a red one that I got last summer at H&M.

We're having beef tenderloin, asparagus, and baked potatoes. I'm not sure what's for dessert, but I predict that it will involve almond cookies, which are my favorite :)

Then, gifts later.

It's also my dad's birthday--we got him Dreams From My Father. I think he'll be pleased.

At my grandma's.

I had forgotten that she bought herself a computer about eight months ago, and set up super-fast high-speed internet to go with it.

So here I am, among the old people.

The biggest thing I hadn't remembered was that everyone dresses the same. Seriously. It's like they have uniforms. Perfectly creased shorts and a polo. The more adventurous sometimes go for a crisp button-down with the sleeves folded up, or one of those T-shirts you see in Saks or Neiman Marcus for fifty bucks and wonder who would pay for. Pastels and colors like salmon or sky blue are the only ones allowed.

In the evenings, St. John takes hold. Thousand-dollar dresses and suits for the ladies. The outfits are perfectly put together, with jewelry that tastefully compliments the clothes, and every hair is in place. The men are in jacket and tie. Every collar is perfectly starched, and they all know when to button and unbutton their blazers.

My grandma knows everybody here, and so I get to shake hands with various people and pretend I remember them from years past. Then I look down at my dinner and wish it weren't impolite to start eating the prime rib, which is getting cold fast, while my grandma is still catching up with old friends.

My sister is good at that stuff. She smiles and meets the people's eyes, and tells them how glad she is to see them again, while I shake their hands awkwardly and hope my words don't sound as fake to them as they do to me.

My mom is incredibly uptight. She's with her mother-in-law, and completely out of her usual environment. My dad was raised in the upper middle-class, belonging to a country club and being sent to a fancy boarding school. But my mom's family struggled to make ends meet--her dad didn't have a college degree, and they had five kids. So she's trying to relax, but she has no clue what to say or do, and because she's so insecure, she gets tense.

Vacations are supposed to be relaxing. But I spend so much time worrying about whether things are appropriate that it ends up just being a burden. I'm tense and self-conscious ALL THE TIME as it is, and throwing me into an environment with kids that are like those in my town, but ten times worse, just ends up being stressful.

At least the food is good. Tonight was the buffet at the main clubhouse, and I had shrimp, crab legs, seared tuna, salad, grouper, and prime rib, along with some vegetables.

mm.

Pretty uneventful

No arguments until the last five minutes of the party:

Uncle: Postscript, have you read Robert Bork's book?
Me: (laughs) The Tempting of America? Yeah.
Uncle: Yeah, I like his books, I almost bought it for you...
Me: I love Bork. He's so ridiculous.

pause.

Uncle: I didn't find it ridiculous at all.
Sigh. I had already had to leave the room once that evening when my great-aunt was discussing the relative merits of various priests she had known.

Those darn Republicans.

P.S. I'll be away until the second--unless one of my grandmother's neighbors has unsecure wireless, expect no posts.

Retaking.

Sigh.

I mean, I took them early so that I would have time to retake them. But STILL.

CR: 800 (??)
M: 690 (WTF????)
W: 700
E: 9
MC: 69

690 on math? Really?

ugh.

Freaking out.

SAT scores come out in under ten hours.

Now was not the night to drink two large mugs of strong cocoa.

But I did it anyway, and now have a headache from the ridiculous amounts of sugar and caffeine I consumed.

Question

How unethical is it to connect to your neighbors' unsecure wifi when yours isn't working?

Pretty much done.

The gifts are purchased, made, and wrapped.

The massive packet of ninety-four biology definitions that needed to be handwritten is finished.

I think I have a topic for my comparison essay.

Writing Christmas cards and actually giving out gifts is all that's left, I think.

Somehow, I was able to avoid sitting down with my new David Sedaris book and reading it straight through for twelve hours this weekend. Instead, I did the bio packet and thought about lit.

Now...christmas cards and an outline.

Tomorrow's Agenda

In the morning, I'm going to a craft store to get the jars I need for the gifts for my teachers. I'm making homemade hot cocoa mix, and packaging it with chocolate chips and mini-marshmallows in a nice glass jar.

Then, at some point in the afternoon, I'm going into town to get my hair cut. I'll probably also check out Rite-Aid for some wrapping stuff, since we don't have many nondenominational gift bags (which I need, because a) I suck at wrapping gifts and b) how do you wrap a glass jar???).

Then I'm going to the Gap to buy myself some clothes. They're having a sale, with ten-dollar long-sleeved shirts, which I desperately need (want?). Plus, during my trip to the mall last weekend, I successfully resisted buying myself like three pairs of shoes that I wouldn't wear. So I feel like I can treat myself to something nice I'll actually use.

Right next door to the Gap is the local bookstore, where I'm planning on getting Dreams from my Father plus some history book for my dad for Christmas and his birthday. And finally, I'll hit Stop & Shop to buy some high-quality chocolate chips.

This is my life

http://xkcd.com/519/

Soon

This afternoon, tomorrow, Monday, and a half-day on Tuesday.

That's it.

Then I'm free.

It has occurred to me, though, that this vacation won't be all that exciting. I have an essay to work on, my History Day project to write, and research to do for Model UN.

Plus, like five books I want to read. A couple of plays by Shakespeare, plus some more Chekhov, plus a book about Sam Adams, plus a fantasy by an author I used to be obsessed with.

But somehow it still sounds pretty relaxing.

Hell Week

Lit essay Monday
choir rehearsal monday
Math test tuesday
choir concert tuesday
History assignment wednesday
Physics test wednesday
AP Chem problem set thursday
History test friday
model un bakesale friday

forgive my non-posts

Essaying at midnight

Wilson’s government take positions that supported American businesses some time.

Whew.

Finished. I think it went fairly well.

There was one math problem that was unsolvable. I don't know what was up with that. Ayway, the essay prompt was easy, the questions were easy, and the experimental section was critical reading.

Sigh.

Tomorrow

I'm going to be one of those annoyingly overprepared kids. In my bag I have ten brand-new pencils, a graphing calculator with brand new batteries, extra batteries, and a scientific calculator. I also have my admission ticket, my ID, and a snack.

Beam good thoughts my way. My high PSAT scores (with a perfect score on critical reading!) that came in yesterday improved my confidence a lot.

So hopefully I'll do well.

I'm Definitely a Junior

I get offended when people ask me to wear my ID.
I think class is a waste of time.
I don't do homework when it's not collected or checked.
I look for excuses to wear pajamas all day.
I consider eleven pm an early bedtime.
Freshman are babies.
I wish I were a freshman.
I'm writing a blog post instead of studying. Or sleeping.

Gattaca, for real?

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/30/sports/30genetics.html?_r=1&hp=&pagewanted=all

A test to see what sports a kid will be good at. Jesus, that's scary.

I mean, what's next, determining the intelligence gene? Genetic manipulation is scary enough, but testing two-year-olds to see what sports they should be playing?

The world is really screwed up.

One week.

Buried in my CR workbook and grammar study guide.

Sounds like fun???

Barron's Practice Test

I'm thinking that at least part of this is lack of attention during the first three sections...I was distracted by my desire to watch The Office online...but still. Seriously?? Jesus.

11/28
CR: 720
Math: 740
Writing: 630???

Total: 2090

An ambiguous question increases CR to a 730. (Ambiguous being determined by myself, my homeroom teacher, and my father.)

So, 2090 on Barron's corresponds to what in real life, exactly??

Dear Google,

I love you, like everyone else, despite the fact that you're taking over the world.

I especially love my shiny new Gmail theme. It's called Zoozimps and there are little people in my inbox. There are more little people in the spam and trash folders. It's terribly exciting.

But here's the thing. I love Google Calendars, too. Except for when I try to change the color of a calendar. You have 21 colors available. Would it kill you to have some that aren't ugly?

Love,
Postscript

mm exciting research project

I officially chose a topic for History Day. The theme is "Individuals in History: Actions and Legacies" or something like that. I am going to write about Sam Adams, and how he was not a propagandist, but a legit statesman. Or, the other way around, depening on how I'm feeling.

There's this book I want to use DESPERATELY, but the nearest available copy is in the city. So I'm thinking that I will take a little field trip at some point. I've always wanted to actually have a legitimate excuse to study in the New York Public Library, and now I do :)

Of course, I either have to go by myself, find a friend who's willing to sit and watch me read about how terrible a guy Sam Adams was for hours, or bring my parents. I would prefer to just go by myself. I mean, we're talking broad daylight here, in places I've been multiple times. And seriously, the walk from Port Authority to the library will take about five minutes, and is in the heart of the touristy section of the city. But I still don't think my parents are going to let me go by myself. I need to find someone who has no life to come with me and be bored.

This ignores, of course, the fact that I have no time for such an excursion. Argh. Maybe the Saturday before Christmas? But traffic will be terrible.

Away

Away for model UN until Sunday.

Don't expect any posts.

Tomorrow's the big day.

Math and chem tests.

Okay, poll of internets:

Is it fair for a teacher to hand out a grading plan at the beginning of the year and then not follow it at all???

Check

Position paper done. Only about half BS, I think.

Next: Math, then chem and physiology references in front of a house rerun.

My parents went out for dinner tonight so lil sis and I got pizza. Now she has CCD so I am going to take advantage of the big-screen tv :)

I never got dressed today. I went ouside twice--once to bring in groceries, and once to take out the recycling. I was wearing pajamas, hot-pink polka-dotted socks, and lime green flip-flops. Lovely, right? (Don't even ask about my hair today...)

I just lost four days.

I thought my position paper for the Model UN conference I'm going to on Thursday is due tomorrow night at midnight, not at the start of the first committee session.

To-do:

By Monday:

• References for physiology paper.
• Review chemistry notes for possible quiz.
• Write position paper.
  

By Tuesday:

• Study for chemistry final.
• Study for math final.

Then I have to start my physiology take-home test, which is due the day after I get back from the conference (guess what I'll be doing while everyone else is at the dance or sleeping. FUN!).

Then I have to study for the biology test on Thursday. Which is the last class I have before we leave for the trip. I have such wonderful luck.

Then I have to figure out why I'm failing at critical reading.

Sigh. Every time I think I have a handle on things, I end up overwhelmed.

SAT.

I find it alarming that College Board has put up ads for the SAT on Facebook. Seriously? I can't even procrastinate without being reminded that I have twelve million things to do?

I registered for the December test last night. Shudder.

My sister is driving me crazy.

I had a fight with my dad about this this morning, which led him to kicking me out of the car at my bus stop and making me stand in the rain for ten minutes. But then he didn't make me walk home. But then he said we need to talk.

My little sister is such a pain.

Gotta love gmail ads

I'm writing a paper about endoscopy for my physiology class and have emailed it back and forth to myself several times. Of course, I used my gmail, because my school account has room for like two emails before the memory quota is full.

So you can imagine the kinds of ads I'm getting. They're very charming. And honestly, somewhat alarming. I searched one of the links on google (so my handy little McAfee Sitechecker would warn me if it was evil), and discovered a couple pieces of wrong/outdated information.

On a somewhat related note. Three people have visited my site recently after searching for "learningfuck" on google.

One for "bought my first suit now what".

One for "barnes noble learning section".

And two for "dealing with jerks". Ha.

(Oh, and ps. My dad just let my sister build a fire. Bad idea.)

I want this t-shirt sooo badly.

It's theobromine! Aka chocolate!!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/sciencemath/8f6f/

Wow, that hurt.

My mom called me a godless heathen today and I was not bothered in the least.

You would think she would have figured out by now that me refusing to go to church doesn't mean that I heart Jesus.

University of Chicago and Northwestern

Some more detailed thoughts about the two schools:

UChicago was great. I loved the neighborhood and the atmosphere around campus. There was stuff going on and so many different types of people around. All the buildings were nice. I loved the library--trust the engineering kid to be fascinated by the stairs!

I also felt like I could fit in with all the people I saw there. A friend of mine has a T-shirt that says "2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2". I LOVE that T-shirt. And there was someone wearing it! I pointed him out to my dad, who proceeded to laugh at me for being such a nerd. But seriously! I could make friends with people who find thast shirt funny! Nerds like me! Yay!

And then there was the bookstore. Seriously. I literally could have spent all day in there. I think the best way I heard it described was a "labyrinth of books". Man. I could live there.

Northwestern. It was okay. But just okay. And the students reminded me of the ones who go to my town high school. For all I know, they could be as nice as they pretend to be. But do I want to take that risk? Evanston was nice, too. It almost reminded me of my town. Weird.

One last random thought: I played tennis today for the first time in weeks. My first shot, I framed the ball completely. My second, I MISSED THE BALL. Epic, epic, fail. But then I won my match, which would have been good, except for I only beat her because I have more match experience than her, so it's not really a true win.

Next time I contemplate not playing tennis for any extended period, stop me please.

A fun-filled day ahead of me.

1. Tour guiding at the open house for my school. Pre-frosh are HILARIOUS.
2. Dinner with the conservative side of the family. Sounds superfun, yes? I should start practicing my not-talking skills now.
3. Bed.

Simplifying life is kind of depressing.

Latin at my school

My school is a magnet school that's supposed to produce the leaders of the twenty-first century, or something like that. We have an electron microscope, with a second on the way, and more computers than students, and plasma TVs lining the hallways that play what are essentially infomercials about our school. We've won awards and gotten many, many grants and are actually too smart to be included in the Newsweek high school rankings. (No joke. We feel very excluded.)

But the curriculum office has decided to phase out our Latin program, and offer Mandarin instead. (Viviana has a post about the meeting the principal held with our angry parents.)

I nearly cried when I heard about this. The curriculum office made their decision without asking the students what we thought, and they made the wrong choice.

I love it when people say, "Oh, you go to [your school], you must be so smart!" It's awkward and a pain a lot of the time, because, seriously, how do you answer that? (Say yes and you look arrogant, but say no and you're being kind of dishonest. I just smile and laugh usually. People don't know how to respond to that.) But I love that people recognize that our school is a great place to get an education, and I'm proud to represent that. Sometimes people tell me about their niece or nephew or friend who didn't get in. I rarely hear about kids who got in and decided to remain in their home districts. Not because there aren't many of them (remember my sister??), but because that's nothing to brag about.

Next year, when people start saying to me "My son/daughter/niece/nephew/friend got in, but didn't go, because they don't offer Latin," I don't know what I'm going to do. All I know for sure is that I won't be proud--I'll be ashamed.

Jumping up and down

BEST. HOUSE. EPISODE. EVER.

OH. MY. GOD.

More SAT fun...

Today we received the results of the SAT/ACT Combo Practice Test, administered by Kaplan, that we took way back on September 5th. Here's the breakdown:

SAT:
Math: 740
CR: 640 (FAIL)
Writing: 760
Total: 2140

ACT:
Math: 30
English: 33
Reading: 34
Science: 33
Composite: 33

I kind of freaked out when I first saw those scores, but then I realized that this was BEFORE I started studying.

But you know what really freaks me out? I got ALL the "Global/Detail" questions wrong. All of them. I still get those questions wrong on practice tests.

And I failed the essay. 4/6. Which means 8/12. Which is bad. But whatever. I wasn't trying very hard at the essay, since I had never done one before.

I'm thinking about taking it in December. Tennis is over, so I get home fairly early, and I still don't have to take gym, so I have lots of free time at school, so I do have the time to study. I worry about the stress levels, though--my trimester 1 finals are November 10, 13, and 18, and then I have a Model UN Conference from the 20th to the 23rd. But that would still give me two weeks for last-minute studying before the test.

Any advice? I have til next Wednesday if I don't want my parents to have to pay a $23 late fee. Agh. This is so complicated. Classmates, when are you taking them?

I've already decided that I'm taking them in a town that's not my town but is near my town, because that's where I took the Math Subject Test, so I know my way around and stuff. Not knowing anybody there is helpful, too, because I don't have to be self-conscious about my sweatpants and super-old t-shirt.

Blogging as a Stress-Reliever

I originally started this blog because I wanted writing about myself and my thoughts and just events in general to come easier. That's definitely happened. Initially, though, I was having to force myself to blog. It was like a homework assignment or a some obligation, something that I had to do. But as my blogging has become more frequent, I've found that the half an hour or so that it takes me to draft a post are really nice. I'm less stressed because of this blog, for so so so many reasons.

Giving myself the time to write and not think about school is such a blessing. I don't even know where to begin. Same thing with my bus ride in the morning. It's a time that I will not interrupt for work, under any circumstances. If I'm tired, I sleep. If I'm not, I listen to music. Either way, it takes the edge off the stress I'm getting from everywhere else. It's time for me to think, and blogging helps me focus my thoughts in ways that I never could before.

Blogging also helps me not get as annoyed at the idiotic things people do. If I'm angry about something or at someone, I can write a post about it, using the most defamatory language I can manage. During the day, I almost always have some sort of post brewing in my head. Yeah, I never actually publish those posts, but just getting the words out of me and into a place where they're preserved reminds me that six months after I write them, I'll have forgotten what made me so mad in the first place. (At least most of the time.)

Blogging's pretty cool. And to think I didn't start blogging until my friend (WHOSE BLOG HAS NOW DIED) did is pretty upsetting.

My mom has a new job.

You may already know that my dad stays home and takes care of my sister and me and does housework and cooks and stuff while my mom works. (Apparently it's because when I was born, my dad had just quit his job and was being a student teacher but then decided that he couldn't deal with kids at school plus kids at home. He may have just been teasing, though.)

So my mom has a new job. Anonymity would be totally blown if I told you exactly what it is (obviously). She's still working for the same place, and is now doing stuff related to the financial crisis. In theory, this is a temporary job, for six to eight weeks, but both of my parents say that if it goes well, it could very well become permanent. Her hours are horrible. She's leaving the house before I wake up at six a.m., and not getting home until eight or nine. On weekends, she's out of the house from eight or nine until about four.

The benefit of her keeping this job permanently is that she takes the train to get there, not her car. So I could have her car next year and drive to school!

Is it just me?

Did you ever think something or start to say something then be disgusted/sad/upset/angry you did?

I think really offensive things sometimes. And then I wonder if those things I'm thinking are really me. I just don't know sometimes.

Ahh.

Two teachers in a row were absent today, which gave me lots of time to work and procrastinate. Again, I seem to be keeping up fairly well with my workload this year. I was able to finish AP Chem, start thinking about my history essay, outline my answers for Model UN Specialized Committee apps, and figure out a way for my parents to visit all my teachers on back-to-school-night without walking for miles. I also played a few hands of bridge with the nerd crew :)

At tennis, I played first doubles and won in straight sets, 6-0, 6-1.

(That's a good thing, for you non tennis people.)

Tonight:

• History essay detailed outline and/or rough draft.
• MUN apps
• Continue to study for physiology test and figure out what to draw with the essay questions.

Plus, there's a rerun of House on at eight :)

Very unproductive

I slept until 12:30 yesterday, which basically ate up my time. I worked on my debate speech and finished my history reading and started prepping for the physiology test, but didn't finish prepping or finish the speech. On Friday, I worked on physics.

I still have to do my lit reading and do some Latin and finish my speech and work on physiology. And I left my stuff for my history essay and AP Chem at school, so I can't put off physiology or lit to work on them...

And on top of everything, I have a splitting headache.

I bought my first suit today, for Model UN and Debate.

My mom came home from a trip to Philadelphia at about two. Since I was still in my pajamas (I'm in love with sweatpants), I showered and dressed and we left around three.

First ,we went to Macy's. I tried an an Anne Klein jacket that fit well and looked good, but I was between sizes in the pants (gah!). Everything else they had either didn't fit or looked too old or was just ugly. And seriously? About the fit thing? The number system we currently have DOES NOT WORK. If a jacket fits perfectly around the hips and shoulders and arms and is the right length but is too huge around the chest, what are you supposed to do?? Gain five pounds? Seriously.

So then we went to Lord and Taylor. Fail. I only tried on one thing. It looked terrible and was super expensive. We stopped in at Nordstrom, which again was superexpensive.

(I find it funny how my parents aren't changing anything about the way we live and spend money. If anything, they're spending more. Last time the stock market went down a lot, a couple months ago, my dad went out and bought a big-screen TV and all the paraphernalia that goes with it. This time, my mom bought about three new outfits and told me that I should ignore the price when looking at clothes, because I'll get a lot of use out of whatever we buy. My family is so weird.)

We were walking through the mall to check out Express when we passed by The Limited. My mom said "Well, it doesn't look like they'll have anything, but let's give it a try". We bought the first thing I tried on. I am now in love with that store. I like that they separate their pants by cut and rise--it saves me from having to try on a pair of pants that I would have to wear way too high.

I looked for a picture online, but neither the suit nor the jacket was on their website. The pants are just simple black dress pants. The jacket is just a classic black style--two buttons, little pockets, fitted around the ribs (does that make sense? Around the ribs?). Just a very conservative, simple, standard suit.

happy :)

Also, this site is amazing. Turn on the sound and clack everywhere:

http://palinaspresident.us

I have the day "off"

No school! The teachers ave meetings! And best of all, my sister has school!!

Last year, I was talking to a teacher about half-days and days like these. He told me that he liked to imagine students sleeping in and going out for lunch or brunch, then spending the afternoon relaxing with a good book.

Ha.

Here's what's on the agenda for this weekend:

• Practice test.
• Prepare for physiology test. (I would tell you more about how hard this is going to be, but it's google-able. Sorry.)
• Study for physics.
• Finish writing debate speech.
• Do Lit reading.
• Do Bio reading.
• Start history essay.
• Do history reading.
  
• Tennis?

Bad afternoon.

Too frustrated to write.

Score

One of the questions I got wrong yesterday was a bubbling-in mistake.

:D

Wow

I'm still failing critical reading, but I did much better in math and writing:

PSAT Practice Test (from College Board):
CR: 740 x.x
M: 800
W: 800

I think this "improvement" is a function of the type of questions--Barron's is ridiculously hard. I think it was getting me more scared than I needed to be.

Anyway, at least I'm good for the PSAT on Wednesday :)

About Sleep

I agree, my sleep habits are totally screwy. Ever since I was a baby, I've had trouble sleeping. My parents blame it on my pediatrician, who told them to wake me up EVERY TWO HOURS to feed me so that I would gain weight. I think another part of it is that my dad has the same natural sleep cycle that I do--genetically, I may just not be an early person. During the summer, we go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time.

I get up at sixish and go to school. I'm fairly alert until around lunchtime, when the hunger kicks in and I'm a bit more tired. I eat lunch and then I feel fine. I get tired again about an hour and a half before going to tennis. Then I go to tennis, where, once again, I'm happy and awake and active.

If I played at tennis, I'm awake through dinner until about eleven. On those days, I can get into bed and fall asleep within an hour fairly easily.

If I didn't play, my brain shuts down earlier. My personal non-scientific theory about why this occurs is that since I love tennis, it's like the equivalent of ice cream to my brain. It makes me happy and cheers me up. The problem is that then my body is ridiculously jumpy until about twelve-thirty. If I go to bed before then, I toss and turn and fidget for hours. (I think my record is about four hours of jumping around. That night, I finally gave in, and got up and did some crunches or something. Worked like a charm.)

I think that this happens because I'm not getting nearly as much physical activity as I used to. During the summer and early in the tennis season, I would be playing tennis for an absolute minimum of two hours a day. So now, my body thinks it needs to be awake--my metabolism has adjusted to make that amount of energy which I now don't need, since I mostly just watch.

I've been meaning to make some exercise plan for days I don't play, and I think that the sleep issue may force me to find time to run or play paddle tennis or at least force myself through some core work.

This should help. But it might not. Because, quite frankly, it's one hundred percent true that teenagers genuinely aren't meant to go to bed at ten p.m. Yeah, I can do my best to work around that. But I've tried so many things that supposedly help sleeping--dim lights and warm drinks before bed, soothing music, avoiding my computer, not eating any sugar (that one was hard, let me tell you.). None of them worked.

I've been having a bit of an issue lately with one of my friends as well as my mother lecturing me constantly about the amount I sleep. I think the worst thing that was said to me was "Since you're so tired, you don't know that you're tired! Sleep!!!!!"

Gee, thanks. I think it should go without saying that a) I definitely know my body way better than either of them do and b) unless I'm doing something that legitimately inconveniences them, it's absolutely none of their business.

I've been really upset by this for the past couple of days (don't even get me started on this), for two main reasons. First, I am a very private person. I don't like it when people tell other people anything I said, even if it was completely innocuous. (I have a half-written post about how much it sucks to be as shy as I am. I'm sort of fifty-fifty on whether or not I'll post it, because some of the stuff in their is rather personal. I may do an abridged version, because I think that my shyness is probably the most important part of me that needs to be understood) Second, I'm finding myself completely incapable of making my mom and my friend stop without resorting to walking away or yelling.

The ending to the post is horrible because I got sidetracked reading about immunology (have I written about how much I loooovvvve my physiology class??). Sorry.

Good news.

Did much better on improving sentence errors today. I'm still missing some stuff with verb and pronoun agreements, but it's getting better--26/30 on a practice set today!

Wesleyan

My dad and I visited Wesleyan today. I'm not sure if it's just my mind these day,s but I was very neutral about it. They don't have any programs that jump out at me.

Back to work:

• Chemistry
• SAT Writing
• SAT Critical Reading
• Flashcards
  

SAT-ing

Soo not fun.

I started studying for real last weekend. I had NO CLUE how hard this stuff was going to be. I went through the diagnostic test I took a while ago and decided that I really needed work on critical reading (not counting the sentence completions) and the identifying sentence errors part of the writing. The math section's results were more sporadic--I think I'll hold off studying math until after I take another practice test, and take more time on each section (I would get bored and just move on once I finished).

The biggest thing all of this has shown me is that I really am a poor test-taker. I'll do a set of practice questions, and afterwards, when I go over the answers, I won't believe some of the questions I got wrong. And, as you know, my school is full of geniuses who can't believe that I would bother studying for this simple test.

The first time someone asked me why I was studying , I firmly said "I'm a poor test-taker," and the kid left me alone. Then two people came close to laughing at me when they saw the giant book I was carrying around because "I didn't need to study". Finally, in homeroom, a kid was telling me about how he got a 780 on the critical reading on the PSATs last year. I had first period free, and I just wanted to curl up and cry. Who says something like that? I can understand pride, but to volunteer your score and boast about it is totally uneccessary.

My highest ever score on a subsection was a 730 on critical reading on the PSATs last year. I scored a combined 2090 on the diagnostic--a whopping ten points improvement. And went down by 20 points each on math and CR.

Some of the answers in the book I actually disagree with. I'm averaging less than a fifty percent on the questions I can reduce down to two choices.

The SATs don't care how smart you are, how well you can read things and understand them, how much math you know, or how well you can focus under pressure. All it cares about is how long you can sit in a room with twenty other stressed-out teenagers and not become a basket case.

I don't want to take them. I'm terrified.

November is too soon. December worries me because it's right after the end of the trimester and a Model UN conference. January is during a Model UN conference. My gut tells me that March is too late.

A lot of people are waiting until March or even May. But I just want to get it over with. And I don't know what to do.

So all of you guys who laugh as I study for this test, fuck off. This is really, really hard for me. But I'm going to beat it. I'm going to work ten times as hard as you and probably score lower than you, but I will have accomplished something. I will have actually done something that helped me do better than I would have otherwise.

Don't give me lectures on how to study, don't say "Oh, those questions are easy!" and then proceed to give me tips that I know and I've tried and just don't work, don't act like I'm being sarcastic, and don't try to help.

I had a horrible day today, and all of my anger and frustration and desire right now is going to be slammed into studying. Whenever I lose my focus, I will think about today. Because my road to a high score is unpaved and uphill. Yours apparently has a sidewalk. In the long term, my road is more worth taking. I'll get more out of it.

Good day.

My first class was canceled, so I had free until 11:40, during which time I did SAT prep. (I got one more question right on critical reading! That brings my projected score to like a...710? 720? The funny thing is, I totally own the sentence completions. I did fifty and only got three wrong, all of which were ones that I guessed on. So it's not that I think I'm sure about something and then turn out to be wrong, but I know most of the material.

I played second doubles at my match today and won. I think the match deserves a post of its own, but I only have seventeen minutes to get my crap together so I'll get downstairs in time for house reruns on USA :P

I got a decent amount of work done during my frees.

I didn't completely fail the quiz I got back today.

I played bridge with the Nerd Club again (sorry guys. but you take nerd as a compliment. So w/e)

Tired, in a good way, I think.

Whoa, only eight minutes to go. :)

My school is crazy.

In my math class, we have rolling chairs (really nice ones, too!). The other day, my math teacher, who's absolutely brilliant and is actually good at teaching, was standing facing the board writing stuff down for us. Meanwhile, two guys were shoving each other around on their chairs. Suddenly, one of them slammed into the back wall. The whole class got very quiet and watched our teacher to see what his reaction would be. He didn't even blink, kept writing, and said "Gee, I wonder what's going on back there."

*****

In the hallway, I heard some girl yelling at a guy "I don't want to be your derivative!"

*****

Again, my math teacher: In class, he asked for suggestions on how to solve a problem. A kid suggested he express tangent in terms of sine and cosine. He grinned and said "That's a good guess, but it COMPLETELY FAILS."

*****

In AP Chem, my teacher who happens to be the chair of the admissions committee, was talking to us about how bs it is that colleges claim to look at the "whole student". He grinned and said "I always get that from parents whose children have mediocre grades and low test scores!"

*****

Yeah, we're weird.

Festudent

Remember how when I wrote about the debate, I mentioned how weird it was that McCain used the word "festudent"? Well, I looked at the transcripts, and it turns out he actually said "festooned". Either way, he is old and out of touch.

FiveThirtyEight now has Obama winning over 80 percent of the time. Ha.

I hate hate hate group projects

Seriously. I think one group project per class per year would be plenty to teach us how to coerce and blackmail people into DOING THE DAMN WORK. And honestly, the only person that actually learns anything about the topic overall is the one who gets to pull her hair out for TWENTY-FOUR HOURS waiting to compile everything into a semi-cohesive presentation.

So here's what happened. A project was assigned last Tuesday or Wednesday. My group decided that by this Wednesday night, everyone would send their sections to me to compile. And for this one, the compiling is actually work, because my teacher is very picky about organization and wants it all nice and tightly composed. Since we had off today and again tomorrow for the Jewish holiday so I would have plenty of time to put the stuff together so we would be ready to present on Friday.

I've gotten one. One out of three, a full day after the deadline that WE ALL AGREED ON.

Just before dinnertime, I im'ed them to see what on earth was going on. One used the Jewish holiday as an excuse. No. That really doesn't work, on so many levels. First, we had a half-day last Wednesday. If you're that pressed for time--and you don't do a sport or have any real time-eaters that I know of, so unless something's been going on, you're probably not as busy as I am--you could have done it then. Or, I don't know, over the WEEKEND???? Come on. And you obviously knew that you would be tied up with religious stuff all day and last night because you were talking about it in Chem last week. Seriously.

The other guy didn't bother me as much. He just said he was sorry it was late and he would get it to me as soon as he can. He didn't even attempt an excuse, which goes over much better with me.

Argh. Still nothing.

Corrupted by nerd school

I burned my finger in chem lab today. My first though when I looked at the burn?

"Oh, the protein in the collagen in my skin must have denatured, and that's why it looks funny."

Sometimes I hate the way my mind works.

Dinner with my Mom's family

A bunch of Republicans. *shudder*

An exciting week ahead.

Not really.

Good news though: Last week in tennis we played two HORRIBLE teams in tennis. Both were from the inner city and really didn't have much experience. But anyway, I played singles both times: third singles at the first one and second singles at the second one. I won 6-0, 6-0 both times. But honestly, I really want that slot at second doubles! The first doubles team has been really bad lately, basically falling apart every time they got behind. So maybe some switching around will happen.

So here's what's going on:

This weekend:

• Do math.
• Start Physiological Control Systems paper.
• Start history project.
• Study for Lit quiz.
  
• Practice scene for Lit.
• Study for Bio test.
• Study for AP Chem test.
• Start Adv. Chem homework packet.
• Practice serves.

On a more fun note, my parents are going out tonight and will be leaving us home. The only problem is that she wants Chinese and I want pizza. Any other ideas?

Monday: School, then tennis.

Tuesday and Wednesday: NO SCHOOL (I heart Jewish holidays.)

• Do more math.
• Finish PCS paper.
• Finish history project.
• Practice for Lit scene.
• Study for Bio.
• Study for AP Chem.
• Shopping?

Thursday and Friday:

• School: Take two tests, give two presentations, and hand in one paper.
• Tennis: Play one bad team and one okay team. And by "play", I mean watch other people play.

Next weekend will likely be devoted to....you guessed it...more homework. Notably, studying for my history quiz and history test that are conveniently scheduled within two days of one another. And chances are, another chem quiz.

This post is so ridiculously boring. Sorry about that.

Thoughts on the Debate

This is a totally random collection of stuff I noticed during the debate.

I Really Hate John McCain

I could not stand to see McCain for the next four years. Seriously. He's boring. He looks old and confused. If I had him as a teacher I would try to schedule doctor's appointments during his class. Or I would chug caffeine beforehand in an attempt to stay awake through it. (p.s. I'm not a big fan of the moderator, either.)

Interrupting is Good

Senator Obama is ridiculously good at cutting in on McCain's speeches to make his own good points without sounding rude at all.

McCain is Old and Makes No Sense

Seriously. Do I need to explain myself? He used World War II as an example. And his international business hypothetical didn't make much sense, either. And I totally disagree with his views.

What?

Did McCain just use the word "festudent"? I'm really trying to listen and I still think his plans are incoherent.

Weird

While McCain speaks, Obama watches him and listens, looking studious and intelligent. McCain laughs and looks out into space.

Cut Spending?

By spending billions on, I don't know, a WAR???

Lobbyists and Bush

I'm loving Obama's frequent mentions of his distance from Bush and the lobbyists.

WOAH!

McCain just accused the United States of funding terrorism!!! Whoops!

Haha.

McCain used the same "pop culture" reference--Miss Congeniality--twice. Couldn't Palin come up with something better for him??

I'm falling asleep. I love politics, but I still can't stay awake through the debate. Sigh.

Hahaha.

Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the earth yet?

Bad day

Tired.

Elation.

Hi postscript

I forgot to ask you in class - may I use your essay as an example for Monday's class? I thought you did a great job. Let me know if that's okay if you happen to get this email any time soon,

thanks

Ms. Lit Teacher

Whoa. I thought my essay was horrible.

Since around the middle of last year, I've had some issues with judging my own writing. I'll write something and think it's great then get a 50 and then write something else and think it's horrible and get a 95. I think this is a bad thing.

But hey: I wrote a good essay!

Read.

Now, please.

http://bitchphd.blogspot.com/2008/09/lies-and-taxes-ii-real-average.html

House

I just saw House for the first time (I know, I know...). Awesome, awesome show. I leave the room for any bloody scenes, but still. Awesome show.

Dr. Cameron? Wow. Love her. Dr. Chase is insane, but has a very, very cool accent. And Dr. Forman (spelling?) is just the kind of doctor I'd like to have.

And then there's the stuff going on between House and Cuddy (keep in mind that I'm watching reruns on USA).

Unfortunately, I do NOT need to get addicted to a TV show right now.

Ahead

I'm ahead on my homework.

I am not going to wreck my chance to go to bed early by writing a full blog post.

• Tennis: Not playing, but the team is 3-0. This is our toughest week. Counties this weekend.
  
• Debate: Don't even have to try out.
• Model UN: Chairing! And adviser says that he'll give me a spot on this awesome committee if we get a slot.
• School: Fine. Lit class is loud with theater kids. History is funny. Bio is weird. Chem is fine. AP Chem is fine. Math test on Thursday, don't know what to expect.
• Family: My sister says she hates school. Hello?? Don't complain to me! You had a chance to come to my school and you didn't take it! My dad is having a procedure done tomorrow.

Shower, make lunch, then bed.

Yes, I'm still alive.

Funny moment

Biology teacher: What happens to the windshield of a car when it rains?
Me: It gets wet.

Dealing with Jerks

I'm on the varsity tennis team.

Assuming tryouts go well, I'll be on the varsity debate team.

But I'm ready to kill the captain of the debate team. I told him that, because of tennis, I wouldn't be able to make afternoon practices. He called my "sports thing"--that I love, despite my complaining--a "problem" and said that he "supposed" it would be okay if I couldn't make it.

At that point, I decided not to remind him that I went to more practices than he did last year, because I came to nearly all of them after tennis ended.

I told him that the only way I could get out of tennis would be to lie to my coach, and I would only do it if he were desperate. By desperate, I thought it was implied that it was an absolute LAST resort. By which I mean only if there is absolutely NO other time we could do it. He sends back: Get ready to lie! We need you to do at least one mock debate!

So I asked him if we could find some free time during the day to do a mock debate. He sends me this:

Don't think you can dictate terms to me. Having a mock debate during school would be extremely difficult to do, considering that both [co-captain] and I are seniors with extremely full schedules and are just busy in general. Not only that, but we'd have to find a time that works for you and [your partner] and whatever team you're facing. If you make the Varsity Team, you will have a responsibility to it and you really can't put us second like this.

We're not asking you to come every day like your tennis coach; in fact, I'm making an extreme exception in your case by letting you off on most practices. If you didn't already have a strong record with the team, I wouldn't even consider you and [your partner] for Varsity.

If you can miss that break Monday without being thrown off the tennis team, do it. Don't send me another email until you ask your coach.

Jesus. He doesn't even think that there might be other repercussions besides getting kicked off the team. Like, you know, not getting to play in matches. And that "pretty full schedule is complete BS. I checked his schedule on facebook. He has more frees than I do. So here are the things I would like to say to him right now.

1. Every single thing you have said about tennis just drips with disdain. That really offends me. Tennis is a big part of my life. Now I think you're even more of a jerk than I did before.
2. I suppose you've never been on a real team before, but the role of a captain is to unify the team and get everyone into the right frame of mind to win. Not to alienate team members.
3. Call your bluff. Who the hell is going to take our place if we're not on the team? If you didn't notice, there were about three JV teams last year. You want the sophomores who only came to two jv debates on the varsity team?
4. I tried out for varsity last year. My tennis wasn't an issue. So you're making up rules?
   
5. If you had been sitting next to me when I got this email, I think I would have hit you.

At that point, I talked to my dad. He said I'm not allowed to miss any tennis practices OR matches.

So here's what I'm going to do:

1. Talk to him.
2. Talk to the advisor.
3. Talk to my guidance counselor.
4. Pray for rain.

Chances are, this guy will back down, but this is seriously stressing me out. I really don't need more stress right now.

I hate this. I really hate having to argue with people outside of debate and model un. I hate that he's being so obnoxious. I hate that he can't understand that tennis deserves my time just as much as debate does.

Maybe

If I can convince my dad to let me skip a day of school, I might apply to be a poll worker on election day. That would spice up the page app for next summer.

Haven't really posted in a few days.

I've been too busy writing that damn summer reading essay. It's done, but still has some issues.

I (along with everyone else in the country) have some thoughts about Sarah Palin.

I don't think she's a horrible choice. I mean, I personally think she would be a horrible vice-president (or president, if McCain...well, you know.), but looking at things from McCain's position, she makes sense. According to CBS, McCain's top three choices prior to the selection were Romney, Pawlenty, and Lieberman. Fox adds Tom Ridge and Kay Bailey Hutchison. I saw Charlie Crist's name somewhere, too.

I hate to say it, but none of them were great picks.

Romney's a Mormon. I along with everyone else thinks that it's sad that this is an issue, but it is. His strengths were his economic knowledge and his potential to turn Colorado into a red state. But with the Dem convention in Colorado, the chances of that weren't that great, and McCain hasn't been challenged very harshly on economics issues.

Pawlenty is fairly unknown, but he does have some issues. According a few articles I've read, he caves to political pressure. A lot. Which is not what the public is looking for right now, and definitely not what will help McCain beat Obama. He did have the whole evangelical thing going for him though, but so does Palin.

Lieberman. I actually think that if McCain wasn't thinking about politics at all (say, in an ideal world where candidates pick VP's that complement them personally and policy-wise), he would have ended up with Lieberman. Seriously. But the guy's an independent who caucuses with the Democrats. 'nuff said.

Tom Ridge, in my opinion, has stellar, stellar, stellar Republican credentials. Check out the Wiki page. The only "issue" is that he's pro-choice, which would have pissed off the Evangelicals. God forbid those guys get offended by people. you know, exercising their rights.

Kay Bailey Hutchison would have actually been a pretty good choice, except for, again, her view of abortion. She supports restrictions but believes that the issue should ultimately be left up to the Supreme Court. On the other hand, she's from Texas, she's a woman, and she's experienced. Unfortunately, she's experienced because she's sixty-five years old and has been involved with politics since 1972.

Charlie Crist was the last one. Policy-wise, he was pretty good. But during his campaign for governor, he got a little too close to some businessmen and lobbyists and was accused of inviting an illegal immigrant to a reception. Plus, he's not a woman.

So, Palin. No, I wouldn't have picked her, in John McCain's shoes. But she made sense, at least superficially. Very conservative, evangelical, young.

She'll bring in some of the evangelical vote, but will push away some of the independents. Basically, that means that she's won't do anything. How exciting.

THE WEST WING!!

I was addicted to the show The West Wing for a couple of years. Once it was canceled, Bravo stopped playing reruns pretty much right away (remember "West Wing Marathon Mondays"?). But this morning,they were showing a rerun on Bravo! Yes!

Crabby.

I am so sick of doing stuff. I get these productive urges and I get some stuff done, but ten minutes later I'm hating what I'm doing.

I'm snapping at people and saying stuff very non-tactfully and all I want to do is crawl into bed and curl up and go to bed.

Plus I'm lonely. It's been years since I've had a friend who I could talk about anything with. That sucks. And my sister is driving me bonkers.

Whenever I'm not alone in the house, I feel so caged in. I can't crank up some music and eat chips and yell and whatever.

And I feel so guilty for feeling like a spoiled brat and being upset about having to tidy up the basement because honestly there are worse things in life.

And I'm playing horribly these days.

And I have this picture of the new school year in my head. Ten months of STRESS. And then another short summer vacation, which will be stressful due to the amount of time I will have to spend with my family. Then ten more months of stress. Then probably more stress at college. My life looks so boring right now.

And I have to stay in shape so I can't eat a gallon of cookies and cream ice cream to make me feel better.

And I have to wake up early tomorrow so I can't wait until midnight when nobody will see me eating the ice cream and then eat it.

Sigh.

Ew.

Phony Doctor Accused of Sexual Assault.

Ew, ew, ew.

BTW: The website of that site isn't working. Sorry bout that.

Plans for tomorrow

On Friday, Coach Y, the varsity coach, told us that we were basically the team. That's very good. But then he told us that there could be changes, which isn't as good. What I have going for me now is that I beat a returning varsity player--he can't exactly keep her and not me without looking like a jerk. But then again, I got cut and then un-cut. So I wouldn't exactly put it past him. I'm just going to try and play my best for the rest of the week until I really feel safe.

We may have our first match on Tuesday. Then, the frosh have orientation on Wednesday and Thursday. I doubt we'll have practice because literally half our team--five out of ten players--is freshmen. Practice Friday, then we'll probably be off Labor Day, then school starts on Wednesday the third. (By the way, what is up with Labor Day being on the first? Seriously?) I looked at schedules online and we have two Saturday matches this year. Oh well. It's not like I would be doing anything, I guess. But having to wake up early on weekends always sucks.

So tomorrow I have practice, then I'm meeting my debate partner to figure out our plan for next season, then we're going to Staples! Now I need to figure out how many things I need.

Don't tell my parents, but

I had ice cream for breakfast today.

Tennis!!!

You may remember this post, where I was really pissed off at getting cut. Well, some crazy things have happened since then.

Tryouts started on Monday. Returning players were called for eight am, and new players were called for four pm. The point of the morning session was to choose players for the varsity team, and the afternoon was for JV. Each team has about 10-12 girls (seven players plus spares).

So we all showed up bright and early and started to "play". The thing was, there were too many of us and not enough courts, so we were playing little matches on half-courts, with winners moving up a half-court and losers moving down a half-court. I started all the way at the bottom (curse that December birthday!) but somehow I managed to move all the way up to the top. I had moved down two spots or so by the end, but I was still one of the top ten players. The next morning I got to practice and found that no less than FIVE new players had been called up to join varsity tryouts. That day, I played doubles with a very,very weak partner. She had zero consistency and just didn't have either power or finesse.

I think it goes without saying that we lost.

That night, I got the email. I was confused. I had done well in everything except the doubles, and I thought that the coaches would have been able to see that my partner was more of a liability than an asset.

I talked to my parents and they made me send the JV coach (who I know better because she was my coach last year) an email asking if I could have a few minutes at Wednesday's practice to talk about what improvements needed to be made in my game. She basically told me that it was because I didn't play doubles. I told her that I've been working on playing doubles all summer. She said that she would let me play doubles that day and then, if I did well, she would send me back up to the varsity tryouts so that the varsity coach could watch me play.

My doubles partner that day was also pretty incompetent, but JV Coach watched almost the entire match. We lost 4-6, and I thought that was it. Afterwards, though, JV Coach came over to me and said "You did very well with a liability". I emailed her that night to ask what practice she wanted me at today (Thursday. She replied that I should come to the morning session with the varsity kids.

First, Coach Y (the varsity coach) had me play singles with a girl, M., who was on varsity last year. I actually won. And I won by a lot. 6-2.

Then we play doubles. I played with M. against two decent players. And we won! 6-1!

At the end of the practice, Coach Y called the names of six or so players that he wanted to move down to the JV level.

He didn't call my name. Did I just make varsity?

LOL

I actually kind of feel bad for these guys.

Thoughts on Colleges

Here are my totally random thoughts on the colleges I've visited. Not in sentence form.

1. Williams College: WOODS. Way out in the boonies.
2. Swarthmore: Very pretty. Safety? No B.S. degree--very liberal arts-y.
3. Lehigh: Hills. Hills. Stairs. More hills.
4. Lafayette: Pretty!! Really collegiate looking. VERY VERY cool government and law library. I mean, WAAAAAY cool. Like, I almost fainted. They had a portrait of John Marshall, too.
5. Columbia: The core curriculum is intense. Really intense. There is almost no time to figure out what exactly you want to do if you don't really know (please don't tell my parents I said that).
6. Penn: Traffic and noise. But really cool academic programs.
7. Fairleigh Dickinson/William Paterson: a) not going to a commuter school and b) if I fail the SATs that badly, I'll retake.

Also, random gchat conversation:

Him:

we debate thing jetlag

and the thing with the phone

where i beeped beeep bep bep bep

or the zrrrrrrrrr or something

you know what i mean

me:

lol

yeah my sister looked at the caller id history and told me you called

but once she told me the wrong person

so i didn't take her seriously

sorry

Him:

yeah i did call you

WELL

WELL FUCK YOU

WOMAN

me:

LOL

don't call me woman

Him:

how about

me:

sexist

Him:

womun

you want to be called

sexiest

?

me:

no

i find is somewhat sexist when people call women WOMAN

because nobody would ever call a guy MAN

me:

but yes

we need to work

I'm free between like 11 and 3 every day

Him:

i love how you understood me

i'm free

come tomorrow

wait

i have a driving lesson

have dinner here

or something

yes

do that

me:

i have tennis til six

then i would have to change/ shower/ etc

we would have to eat at like nine

which isn't really normal

Him:

damn, woman

me:

argh

men

they never listen

Him:

heheheheheheheheh

OH!

POPE!

i got two of them!

me:

comas

Him:

cards

YES

those too

I think my stats are suddenly going to shoot up. The Pope was mentioned, for God's sake for crying out loud.

FUCK FUCK FUCK

After several discussions, Varsity Coach and I concluded that you need another year of JV. Therefore, please go to the 4pm tryout session instead of the 8am tryout session.

JV Coach

Time to get serious...

The beginning of tryouts has forced me to face the fact that I need to get ready for school to start. So I made a list! Bolded items are the hard ones.

• Read Oedipus the King.
• Complete notes on Oedipus the King.
• Read "Introduction to Oedipus the King".
• Read "Greece and the Theater".
• Write essay exploring a motif in Oedipus the King.
• Read Science Friction.
• Buy school supplies and new clothes.
• Call Lautenberg campaign to line up volunteer work.
• Buy SAT prep books.
• Take full-length SAT practice test.
• Reorganize desk.
• Buy new tennis shoes.
  

The thing about this list is that none of the things left, other than shopping and the practice test, require large blocks of time. So theoretically I should be able to knock these things off easily. But something's telling me that some of this is going to be left undone until crunch time.

Unrelated thought: Isn't it weird how when you're really really hungry, your belly suddenly goes from flat and empty to giant and bloated and empty? But then you take two little bites of something and you're back to the nice flat stage?

The Most Depressing Section of Barnes and Noble

Test prep.

After tennis this morning we went to Barnes and Noble so I could buy an SAT prep book. I thought it would be pretty easy. I mean, grab the Barron's and go, right? But then there were so many choices!

First of all, why on earth are all those books thirty bucks apiece? They're paperback and printed on cheap newsprint! Yes, they have a CD, but wholsesale those go for like 35 cents! The price shouldn't increase any more than a dollar!

Then there are the choices about which to get. There was the normal book, and then there was the special one for people aiming for top scores, and then there were the separate books for each section (the writing one was VERY tempting).

If money hadn't been an issue at all, I would have gotten the Barron's regular book, plus the Barron's 2400 book, plus the Barron's writing workbook, plus the "Increase your essay score in three minutes a day" book. Instead, I got the regular book and the 2400 book. I came pretty close to getting a Peterson's regular review because it was around forty percent cheaper, but my dad actually encouraged me to just pick out the one I thought would help the most. Which was the Barron's. I've found that their sample tests and exercises are just hard enough to motivate me, but not so hard that I panic.

Since I feel guilty for making my parents pay for the more expensive book (I know, I'm a weird teenager), I'm justifying it to myself by remembering that if these books work, I won't be taking the thousand-dollar review course. My plan is to study pretty hard for the November SAT by myself. My goal is 2200 overall, with at least 1500 or so in CR and math. If I score somewhere around there, then I'll study more by myself and take it again in March or so. If I do a lot worse, then I'll probably take a course or get a tutor or something. Probably what would change that would be if I did even worse on the writing section than I did on the PSAT. The thing is, those goals are definitely doable. Using the PSAT scores to guess (remember, the only studying I did was to memorize the instructions), I would have a 2080, with 1450 CR and math. I'll be REALLY upset if I don't make that.

I do have some things going for me. First, I did well on the math subject test, which has sort of erased my old idea that I'm a bad standardized test-taker. Also, while studying for that, I FINALLY broke my habit of filling in random answers that got started when we had to take those reading tests in third grade and our teachers would remind us again and again to not leave any blank. So that should raise my score from when I took the PSAT. Plus, I know more vocab words than I did and I'm better at finding main ideas and themes. So, in theory, I'm in decent shape. Or at least, I will be once I study.

Good news/Bad news

Good news:

The tennis elbow is slowly disappearing, probably because I caught it so early.

I think I have a decent chance of making varsity.

BEACH VOLLEYBALL IS ON TONIGHT. AND SO IS GYMNASTICS.

I'm slowly but surely making my way through the chemistry summer reading book.

We are almost definitely going shopping next Saturday.

I actually got paid! And I made more than minimum wage!

Bad news:

Suddenly I've started spending way too much time wondering why the hell I let myself worry about the grades I get and what college I get into. Because seriously? In the scheme of things, it doesn't matter. At all. And that's a very depressing thought. And the added depression is worse than the lessened pressure.

All the sales were last Saturday. So we're going to get much less bang for our very limited supply of bucks.

I think my library books might be overdue.

My desk is still a mess.

This blog has gone from a place where I actually put paragraphs together to a place where I don't even bother using bullets for my list because I always have to go in and hardcode them because blogger is a pain in the butt. I think this stems from my complete inability to keep my mind on one thing for longer than about ten seconds. See conclusion below.

Conclusion:

My life is confused, in a very major way.

Worst. Timing. Ever.

Tennis elbow. The day before tryouts start.

Michael Phelps

IS GOD.

But thanks to him, my family now thinks I'm crazy. What, jumping up and down and screaming at the tv isn't normal????

Back-to-school shopping!!

Here's my list...

Supplies:

• Pencil case
• Book socks
• Desk calendar
• Whiteboard and marker
• Binders
• Planner
• Flash drive? maybe...
• Pens
• Construction paper
• Glue stick
• Eraser caps

Clothes:

• 2-3 pairs of jeans
• 1-2 dress shirts
• 2-3 long sleeved shirts
• 1-2 sweaters
• Light jacket

Is there anything really obvious I'm missing? I have pencils and looseleaf already.

The plan is that my parents will supply my sister and I with money and drop us off at the mall. We'll shop, then probably have lunch there. Then they'll take us to Staples, and we'll buy fresh binders and folders and pens and all that good stuff.

Tentative date: next Saturday, ten am. I can't wait!

Things not to say to a beginning driver.

• Follow them! [referring to pedestrians, animals, or cars going in the opposite direction]
• [gasp]
• Eh, nobody does that. [referring to a traffic law]
• Do you know how close you just got to that car/tree/person/etc?!?!?
• Look over there!
• Well, at least you didn't hit anything...
• A few more months of practice and you'll be good!
  

I'm officially female. The internets said so.

Likelihood of you being FEMALE is 100%
Likelihood of you being MALE is 0%

Site	Male-Female Ratio
google.com	0.98
yahoo.com	0.9
msn.com	0.92
aol.com	0.82
myspace.com	0.74
youtube.com	1
amazon.com	0.9
facebook.com	0.83
target.com	0.67
comcast.net	0.89
whitepages.com	0.75
webmd.com	0.69
nytimes.com	1.13
bestbuy.com	1.11
monster.com	0.82
sears.com	0.98
wunderground.com	1.22
foodnetwork.com	0.63
tv.com	0.96
kmart.com	0.63
accuweather.com	1.2
epinions.com	1.17
oldnavy.com	0.59
gap.com	0.71
staples.com	0.98
nymag.com	0.92
hotmail.com	0.83
sparknotes.com	1
collegeboard.com	0.96
bathandbodyworks.com	0.4
navy.mil	1.33
columbia.edu	0.87
freetranslation.com	0.89
neopets.com	0.72
fanfiction.net	0.65
upenn.edu	0.82
johnmccain.com	1.27
gmail.com	0.9
audible.com	0.82
usa.gov	0.92
ratemyprofessors.com	0.69
uchicago.edu	0.89
hm.com	0.57
usanetwork.com	0.59
bravotv.com	0.44
delias.com	0.57
dreammoods.com	0.42
sc.edu	0.89
princetonreview.com	0.89
tudou.com	0.85
sallybeauty.com	0.36
thebreastcancersite.com	0.25
northwestern.edu	0.9
njtransit.com	0.83
brown.edu	0.94
freetetris.org	0.83
tufts.edu	0.92
collegeconfidential.com	0.96
kaptest.com	0.79
panynj.gov	1.08

Now, keep in mind that my sisters and cousins have all been on my laptop (uh, neopets? yeah not mine.), but they're all girls too.

Wow.

(From Bitch, Ph.D.)

Just got back

I taught little kids tennis this morning!

I had to wake up early, but it was worth it. Yeah, they're pretty bad. But I think I saw some improvement in two of the kids. (One of the others was already decent, and the fourth kid just kind of wandered around obliviously. Don't really know what to do about that.)

Dentist appointment in half an hour. Last time they told me I had the beginnings of a cavity that may or may not turn into one. I'm PRAYING it's not.

I hate the dentist.

An alternative to Purel

Now, I love sanitizing gel. I mean, I LOVE it. I love that you can just stick a bottle in a pocket and know that your hands are clean. Maybe it doesn't help as much as I'd like to believe, but it gives me peace of mind.

I've never had a problem with them smell of Purel. My sister has always hated it (which might explain why I don't) and thus has never really used it. But, as a gift, she got a bottle of Bath and Body Works' sanitizing gel that smells like yummy vanilla! And she lets me use it! Yay!

One month to go...

and I have a lot that I want to do. Some of it's practical, some of it's not, but there's only one month left! And only two weeks before tennis starts up.

Warning: this post RAMBLES. A LOT.

I was miserable in tennis. Twenty hours a week, for what was going to be five weeks, was WAY too much, even ignoring the obnoxious twelve-year-old boys who practically turned me into a homicidal maniac. It helped, obviously. My coach, who hasn't given me any private lessons since the beginning of camp, was watching yesterday and told me that I've improved a LOT. Over the past couple days, since I've been trying to look for little bits of happiness at tennis, I have been noticing that I make a lot more of the "touch" shots, that are all about precision and control, than I used to. I can even handle myself at net now, unless the ball comes too fast at my head. But, since I was miserable and lonely, we managed to cancel the rest of camp sessions I was going to do. Instead, I'll play with my dad and take a few private lessons. Plus, I was asked to help teach little kids next week at the indoor tennis place I play at in the winter! (Only con: it's at nine a.m.)

So all of a sudden, I have a bunch of free time! Yay! I already went to the library. While I was on vacation, I read Election and Little Children by Tom Perrotta, and The Firm and The Street Lawyer by John Grisham. Then, this week I read The Abstinence Teacher, also by Perrotta, and I have Closed Chambers and In Our Defense out from the Library.

Perrotta's books were recommended to me by my freshman Lit teacher. Little Children and The Abstinence Teacher were both good. I clearly didn't like them as much as he did, but they were interesting, and Perrotta is REALLY good at developing characters. I mean, REALLY good. The problem with that is that by the end of the books you could half-predict what would happen. Election, the other book of his that I read, was way more enjoyable, probably because it focused on a student council election, and I could see parallels between characters and people at school.

John Grisham is John Grisham. I don't think much more explanation is necessary, other than saying that I thought all the main characters in The Firm were seriously fucked up. And the guy in The Street Lawyer was awesome.

I've also been watching lots of TV (bad postscript!) and just sitting around. This is good for me, I think, because I'm STILL feeling the stress from last year weighing down on me. Plus I know about all the different Law and Order shows, so I have figured out why I like SVU much more than the others. I think it's because I've always loved shows with strong and (maybe overly) idealistic, yet flawed, female leads (like Allison Janney in The West Wing and Amy Brenneman in Judging Amy). And neither of the other L&O shows have that.

The other day I had a doctor's appointment and successfully argued my way out of TWO OF THREE shots they were going to give me. Yes! But the doctor told me that he could tell I was right handed because the muscle in my right shoulder is apparently VISIBLY bigger than the one in my left shoulder. I'm still trying to decide whether that's cool or weird. I mean, I can't tell. But he could. Weird.

I've been doing a lot more little things, but I feel like doing nothing. Maybe I'll write some more later. Or maybe not.

Things yet to come this summer: Volunteer work. College visits. Phone calls and emails. Shopping. And, of course, summer reading.

Ouch.

I injured myself THREE TIMES at tennis today.

First, we were doing a drill where we had to run back and forth across the court to get the balls they were feeding. Basically, I couldn't stop after I hit the ball, so I slid like three feet over the clay on my side. I skinned my knee, my hand, and my elbow.

Then, in the same drill, I tripped. Over my own foot. And twisted my ankle.

Then I had a *minor* reinjury of my wrist.

Doesn't my tennis camp sound super fun?

The worst thing about my school

All my friends live in towns scattered around the county.

It can take up to an hour to get to some people's houses. And my parents HATE HATE HATE driving.

Hey, at least I've become an expert in getting rides from people.

Not dead yet...

We didn't do our core/strength/endurance/agility work at tennis today!

I got back from my vacation on Saturday. I was having fun (most of the time) for weird reasons. Last year, I didn't enjoy the trip very much, because I was having so much trouble dealing with the ultra-preppy and waaay upper-class backgrounds of everyone, along with their general snarkiness and teasing. But this time around, I was mentally prepared, so I spent the trip being grateful that my friends (thanks, guys!) are nothing like these kids.

Don't get me wrong, I love all of them to death. For the first two days. But their personalities are so totally different from mine that I just get tired of having to deal with it. I enjoyed my time on my own, though. While the others were tubing (I'm not so cruel that I would make the others be bored to death while they go slow with me), I would sit at the little candy/ice cream shop and do my summer reading or talk to the girl who works there. Oedipus the King is actually really really good! I also read three books of my own, plus my dad's book, plus the beginning of this book about first amendment rights, plus two issues of Golf Digest, of all things.

I wore my new dresses for the first time! My red one was a hit--I wore it twice, once with straps, once strapless. I also wore the purple one twice. I was astounded when I ironed it at the way it unwrinkled itself nearly instantly with me barely touching it with the iron.

Other things going on...dinner with a friend tomorrow night, then poker/game night with other friends on Wednesday. I'm trying really hard to force myself to get out of the house occasionally. I also emailed the president of my town's historical society so I can line up a bunch of volunteer hours (I think it's 10-15 hours for NHS, plus ten more to fulfill the school requirement) before the summer's over. Tomorrow I might give Senator Lautenberg's campaign office a call so I can get something lined up for the fall.

I have recently become addicted to Law and Order SVU. This is a problem, because my dad thinks it's too "adult" for me and gets annoyed when he sees me watching it (weeknights at eight on usa!). Even though he'll never actually make me turn it off, he will give me a look and ask "Is that appropriate?" every time.

Tennis, Day Two.

Tiring. Last night, my calves cramped up. Both my legs hurt like hell--the only thing that soothed them temporarily was warmth. It took me the longest time to figure out a way to go to bed while still keeping the warm water bottles on my legs. Finally, I realized that just bundling myself up would work just as well. So I put on two pairs of knee socks and folded a blanket up so it would only cover my legs. It sort of worked, but I didn't get much sleep.

Tennis was fine. But instead of running, they made us shuffle halfway down, then do crossovers back. And then do it again Not fun. And then during my match my opponent reinjured her hand, an old injury. I hit with one of our instructors, this oldish lefty. He was good. Man, I was hurting after that. He ran me all over the place. His placement was absolutely impeccable. I mean, opposite corners on every shot.

We played some King of the Court later, which was pretty fun, even though we only had one serve and it had to be a spin serve, which I barely know how to do.

Then I went shopping and bought yet another dress at H&M ($20!).

I bought one of Subway's "Five Dollar Foot-longs" for dinner. It was way too big for me, of course.

This post has been more incoherent than usual. I'm exhausted. Four hours of tennis plus shopping? Yikes.

Why the Israel situation scares me so much.

I'm not going to write about it because I don't feel like thinking too hard, but please read this.

http://postcolonialhubris.blogspot.com/2008/06/denied-right-to-go-home.html

Ick

I just wrote a post that makes me sound like a spoiled brat.

I try not to do that. Oops.

Tennis

My serve today was much better.

My backhand today was really on--too bad I was playing with my dad, who's a lefty. A righty would have missed a bunch of the shots I was hitting, according to my dad at least.

The forehand was meh, as usual.

I didn't volley much, but I was getting to a lot of drop shots.

Tomorrow begins my daily four-hour tennis class. Starting at noon. Wish me luck.

Pretty clothes!

Yesterday I went shopping with my sister and four cousins. I needed dressy clothes to wear on our vacation to Basin Harbor, where my family goes every year. All of my dad's brothers and sisters go, and so does my grandma. This year will be (I think) our fifteenth or sixteenth year going. I am SO excited. We go the same week each year, and since we've been going so long, we know a bunch of families really, really well who go at the same time as us.

At dinner, we have to dress up, and the only dressy clothes I own are a) Western business attire for Model UN or b) wintery stuff or c) just not quite appropriate.

So I bought two dresses at H&M. (I love that store)

This one, in a magenta color, but without pockets:



And another one that I can't find a picture of. It's red. The straps are about 3/4 of an inch wide and are removable. It's fitted from the chest to the waist, and the skirt is an A-line shape. It fits perfectly, which is waaaay more than I could say for the no less than SIX skirts I tried on at Forever 21. I love it so much. One of my cousins found it for me. Now I love her forever :)

(By the way, the H&M website is such a pain. It doesn't have most of their clothes on it.)

I still need some stuff. I'll probably go to gap (or back to H&M) sometime this week.

My younger cousins left today for their vacation in Pennsylvania. Tomorrow, my older cousins are going home to Anchorage. Monday, tennis camp starts. Then, one week from today, we leave!