At my grandma's.

I had forgotten that she bought herself a computer about eight months ago, and set up super-fast high-speed internet to go with it.

So here I am, among the old people.

The biggest thing I hadn't remembered was that everyone dresses the same. Seriously. It's like they have uniforms. Perfectly creased shorts and a polo. The more adventurous sometimes go for a crisp button-down with the sleeves folded up, or one of those T-shirts you see in Saks or Neiman Marcus for fifty bucks and wonder who would pay for. Pastels and colors like salmon or sky blue are the only ones allowed.

In the evenings, St. John takes hold. Thousand-dollar dresses and suits for the ladies. The outfits are perfectly put together, with jewelry that tastefully compliments the clothes, and every hair is in place. The men are in jacket and tie. Every collar is perfectly starched, and they all know when to button and unbutton their blazers.

My grandma knows everybody here, and so I get to shake hands with various people and pretend I remember them from years past. Then I look down at my dinner and wish it weren't impolite to start eating the prime rib, which is getting cold fast, while my grandma is still catching up with old friends.

My sister is good at that stuff. She smiles and meets the people's eyes, and tells them how glad she is to see them again, while I shake their hands awkwardly and hope my words don't sound as fake to them as they do to me.

My mom is incredibly uptight. She's with her mother-in-law, and completely out of her usual environment. My dad was raised in the upper middle-class, belonging to a country club and being sent to a fancy boarding school. But my mom's family struggled to make ends meet--her dad didn't have a college degree, and they had five kids. So she's trying to relax, but she has no clue what to say or do, and because she's so insecure, she gets tense.

Vacations are supposed to be relaxing. But I spend so much time worrying about whether things are appropriate that it ends up just being a burden. I'm tense and self-conscious ALL THE TIME as it is, and throwing me into an environment with kids that are like those in my town, but ten times worse, just ends up being stressful.

At least the food is good. Tonight was the buffet at the main clubhouse, and I had shrimp, crab legs, seared tuna, salad, grouper, and prime rib, along with some vegetables.

mm.