I'm an idiot.

I lost my wallet.

Which had about $150 in it. In other terms: all my cash. All of it. The money I had already committed to spending, in some cases.

And my license. Which means I have to go back to the MVC and redo the ID verification.

And my Barnes and Noble member card. Losing it makes me feel like a terrible person, since my great-aunts pay for half the membership fee.

And of course, I lost it by leaving it on the bus. The bus! I left my school ID on the bus once, but never have I left something so substantial.

Here's what happened: I pulled the wallet (which I loved, by the way. It was pretty colors and had stripes.) out of my bag to buy a snack on my way out of school. When I got to my seat on the bus, I was in the middle of a conversation, so I just put the wallet on the seat next to me rather than putting it back in my backpack where it belonged.

When I got off the bus, I never picked up the wallet.

Idiot.

The thing is, I know for a fact that I had my wallet on the bus. I noticed at about ten-thirty that night that it was gone. I did not go out that night. I sat in my room all evening doing homework.

The bus driver did not find it when he did his daily check of the bus, and nor did I when I searched the next time I rode the bus.

It was left on that bus.

Now, I try to think the best of people. I know that I myself do things that inconvenience people and annoy the hell out of them.

But really.

You sit down in a school bus and find a wallet with someone's fucking license in it.

And you take it?

Initially, I thought that maybe a classmate had picked it up for me and then forgotten to give it to me. But it's been a week now, and no one has approached me.

When I told my parents, rather than being scolded, I was given a lecture about how every young adult needs to lose their wallet so they will be aware of how annoying it is. I hate that. If they had screamed at me, I could have at least vented to my friends about how I did one little thing wrong (not putting the wallet in my bag) while someone else did something big wrong (STEALING MY FUCKING WALLET). Instead I have to deal with their disappointed looks every time they ask if I've found it. Which totally sucks.

I still find myself spending inordinate amounts of time being annoyed with myself and looking in corners I've checked multiple times before.

I really, really wish I hadn't been so stupid, on so many levels. Keeping all that money with me (yes, it was the week after the model UN trip, so I have somewhat of an excuse, but I'm still an idiot), not putting it back, and then not picking it up. And since I'm committed to buying an eight-dollar T-shirt for National Latin Honor Society this week, and paying for two boxes of Girl Scout cookies I've ordered, and early next month paying for lunch in the city and transportation to and from Brooklyn, I need some way to get my hands on some cash. I may have to dip into my savings account, for the first time since it was opened, nine years ago.