"The United States' military has become a public good. Why on earth would Canada want to spend money on the military? We're not going to let them get taken over. Get them a couple of ponies and they're good."
"The AARP is a truly vicious organization. Really. And they're really fun to watch, but they're just vicious."
"The marginal cost of murdering a second person is approximately zero. If I'm already going to burn in hell for all eternity, what are they going to do, turn up the heat?"
"We tend to be mortals. If you want to be immortal, there are a couple things you can do. You can move to Indiana, and your live will just seem like it's lasting a long time, since there's nothing to do there. Or you can move to a farm in Iowa and eat alfalfa and your life may be lengthened, but it will be as boring as hell."
"I am perfectly willing to sell grades. But nobody has ever offered me enough money."
"What is the greatest fault with our society? Traffic congestion."
Our class meet three days a week. Our professor told us that our TA only had office hours on two of those three days. Yesterday she told us that she had been sitting there alone every week on the third day and getting really confused as to why nobody was showing up.
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