Always Learning

Since I never got to use it...

2009-12-27T23:20:00.003-05:00

Here's the essay I planned to submit with my Yale app, and an addendum with some thought that wouldn't quite fit. (It's unedited and unrevised. So don't laugh at me.)

Listening to this song while you read it would be appropriate.

My teacher asked our Social Studies class if we knew any veterans or servicemen. A few kids raised their hands and said that their grandfathers had fought in World War II or their parents had fought in Vietnam. When she called on me, I started listing names.

“My great-grandfather fought in World War I. He worked on the railways that were built to bring supplies and troops to the front lines. My uncle Bob was stationed in Germany after World War II. And my aunt is a colonel in the Air Force. She went into the Second Gulf War right after my cousin was born.” I explained all of this matter-of-factly. My aunt and uncle enlisted because they wanted college money, and my great-grandfather had been drafted. None had much of a choice.

When my teacher started talking about how proud we all should be of our military relatives, I was somewhat confused. I thought of myself as fairly patriotic. I took the Pledge of Allegiance seriously each morning and identified my ethnicity as simply “American”. I never thought, though, about what that meant.

Two years ago, two cousins joined the military. Sue enrolled in the Naval Academy and Charlie went to Parris Island, South Carolina, for his training to be a Marine. There was a period of two months when Sue was at Plebe Summer and Charlie was at Parris Island during which we barely heard from either of them. I wrote a letter to Charlie telling him I hoped training wasn’t too hard. In the letter I got back, Charlie wrote in small, slanted handwriting that the worst part was the heat.

I later found out that at Parris Island, they put new recruits through hell—they run them hard and force them to push through workouts with little food and sleep. Charlie only told us that the worst part was the heat.

At the end of the summer, Sue was a midshipman and Charlie was a Marine. For a long time, I didn’t understand why they would willingly join the military. I knew that both had been put through tough conditions. Yes, they both succeeded, but why had they joined at all?
I understand now. I have pictures of Sue and Charlie in their dress uniforms at their respective ceremonies. Their uniforms are both navy blue and buttoned securely right up to their necks. But the most essential similarity between them is the look in their eyes. They aren’t just my cousins any more, aren’t just twenty-somethings trying to have fun. They are soldiers. They have been charged with fighting for this country to the death if need be, and I can’t help but be proud. While Charlie was going through I would consider torture, his only complaint was that South Carolina was hot in the middle of summer. When I see them in those pictures, I feel a patriotism that reaches far beyond saying the Pledge of Allegiance. I am proud that my country embodies virtues like democracy and freedom to such an extent that people are willing to fight for it.

I know some people who read this will scoff and point to the HUGE MAJOR problems with the US today. Don't get me wrong, I strongly agree that they exist. (I'm a feminist. and pro-choice. and a ---.) And I think they should be addressed. But we have it so fucking good here. The US military does do good things. No, the US doesn't have the best foreign policy track record. There are so many things we have here, though, that you couldn't find anywhere else.

Cutest video of all time

2009-11-29T00:52:00.001-05:00

Courtesy of the Huffington Post via my father.

Frustrated

2009-11-16T13:52:00.001-05:00

My own inability to just take the plunge and GET IT DONE already is driving me insane.

In my defense, there are good reasons for waiting. but still.

Also: I am now addicted to grey's anatomy.

Dear Maine

2009-11-03T23:44:00.001-05:00

Stop this nonsense right now. This is ridiculous. VOTE NO ALREADY.

Love,
Postscript

wow

2009-09-15T21:17:00.002-04:00

I feel like such a genius.

The NYT has a blog called The Choice, which is about college admissions. They've had a series of posts recently with the Director of Admissions at Harvard answering commenters' questions. In one of them, he mentioned that lots of parents write their kids' essays for them, and the very first comment on the post was about how parents should be able to play a big role in their kids' apps because of the money they're going to spend. My comment was that parents should step back and let their kids take responsibility.

In his most recent post, he referred to my comment and later said that readers should heed my advice.

tennis

2009-08-28T22:24:00.003-04:00

I was worried about tennis this year. My doubles hadn't improved much, and I thought that my chance to play was in doubles.

But then practices started, and I was kind of sucking at doubles. Seriously.

After one of our practice/ladder matches, my usual partner asked if I wanted to hit with her for a while. She thought that she would do better at singles than doubles. I said yes, and we went out to the court. After we had started playing, our coach told us to play a set.

Now let me say that last year, I wouldn't have had a chance against this girl, I don't think. She could overpower me to the point that I couldn't do anything at all with her shots.

But I won the set, 6-1.

The next day at practice, coach had me hit with a girl--let's call her Ducky, since she sort of walks like a duck. Ducky is a year below me, and she played first singles on JV my sophomore year. She is a huge pain in the butt to play with, since her form is terrible. Like, textbook what not to do. But she is insanely consistent, which is how she managed to both beat everyone and frustrate the hell out of all of us. Last year, she was our third singles player on varsity. Coach hated having her play. Her form was embarrassing to him as a professional tennis coach.

Basically, this all added up and made me want to beat her really really badly.

6-1. YES.

Then coach gave me the first compliment ever.* "Nice playing," he said.

If I can beat her again, I have a chance to play third singles this year (*knocks on wood*).

This makes me so happy.

*He then proceeded to tell me all the things I needed to work on, but he usually skips the compliment part, so I feel like it was an improvement!

anonymity

2009-08-11T16:52:00.002-04:00

I really don't want this blog to become shrouded in secrecy, but I decided it's not really in my best interest for any random person on teh internets to know where I go to college. So I've deleted or edited posts about the college search so they're not as explicit about where I want. The college I spent time at earlier this summer will henceforth be known as First Choice School, or FCS. Any other colleges will be described ambiguously.

$1543

2009-08-11T16:23:00.003-04:00

Eight application fees: $555

Two tries at the SAT REasoning test: $90

Three SAT Subject tests: $57

Sending SAT scores: $76

Five AP tests: $430

Two IB tests: $305

Spending over 1500 bucks so I can get into college is so not cool I don't even know where to begin.

And this doesn't even begin to include the incredible emotional, mental, and physical toll that going through all of this exacts on you.

my sister and I are so different.

2009-08-07T01:34:00.002-04:00

We both talk to ourselves on the tennis court occasionally.

The other day, I was hitting with her and was trying to be nice. I hit a shot slightly wider than I meant to, and her return went into the net. She said "Good try". I said thanks.

She was talking to herself.

When I talk to myself, it's either "jksdhgh why did you do that?!?!?" or "If you had done x, y wouldn't have happened. Next time, remember x." More often the former.

gmail ads are hilarious

2009-07-24T01:13:00.002-04:00

GPS Spouse Tracking - Moniitor Your Spouses Activities w/ Our GPS Vehicle Tracking Devices

I could give you a whole list of things wrong with this. I think the most obvious is the spelling error, which irritates me to no end.

Excellent for a Chilly Summer Day

2009-07-17T20:05:00.002-04:00

Hot Chocolate a la mode

Seriously. You must try this. It's supereasy. From this book, which I highly recommend.

1 cup milk (he recommends whole milk, but I used 1% and it was ridiculously rich already.)
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips (don't use fully sweetened. it's already very sweet.)
Ice cream (he says vanilla or coffee. but i used chocolate and it was delicious.)
Whipped cream, if you want.

Heat up the milk until it's very hot. It needs to be really hot. Add the chocolate chips, and let them sit for a full minute. Then whisk until it's smooth.

Put a scoop of ice cream into a big mug. A very big mug, since you need room for the cocoa and whipped cream. Pour the cocoa over it, and top with whipped cream. Eat it immediately, before everything melts.

nuggets from econ

2009-07-10T11:37:00.002-04:00

"The United States' military has become a public good. Why on earth would Canada want to spend money on the military? We're not going to let them get taken over. Get them a couple of ponies and they're good."

"The AARP is a truly vicious organization. Really. And they're really fun to watch, but they're just vicious."

"The marginal cost of murdering a second person is approximately zero. If I'm already going to burn in hell for all eternity, what are they going to do, turn up the heat?"

"We tend to be mortals. If you want to be immortal, there are a couple things you can do. You can move to Indiana, and your live will just seem like it's lasting a long time, since there's nothing to do there. Or you can move to a farm in Iowa and eat alfalfa and your life may be lengthened, but it will be as boring as hell."

"I am perfectly willing to sell grades. But nobody has ever offered me enough money."

"What is the greatest fault with our society? Traffic congestion."

Our class meet three days a week. Our professor told us that our TA only had office hours on two of those three days. Yesterday she told us that she had been sitting there alone every week on the third day and getting really confused as to why nobody was showing up.

happiness

2009-07-09T22:54:00.003-04:00

A few things. This is a bad post to read if you're miserable.

1) Two more hours of shakespeare class, and then it's done. What a boring class. Discussing plays scene-by-scene, with no less than ten hours of class time devoted to each, is mind-numbing. Plus, we say the same things over and over again. (I'm pretending for a moment here that I don't have to write a six to ten page paper about something--anything--I want to, using any texts, and involving any outside sources. But I do have a topic!!)

2) My econ TA is really cool, and has actually given me good advice. Like, what course I should take next year. She tells us that the confusingly-worded questions on our practice exams are indeed confusingly-worded, which makes us feel less inadequate. She laughs about our professor with us, too. And, see number 5.

3) (poofed for anonymity)

4) I heart this school, which will henceforth be known as First Choice School, or FCS. Seriously. I love it here. And I've found my favorite corners and little places to go and where to study, and I feel like I fit in here. (I hate the high sales tax, which is ridiculous to a New Jerseyan. But my only other concern is that I'm bored of the food. Not that I don't like it, just that I'm bored with it. Which is fine, since they have limited service in the summer.)

5) Oh my god. This one has me bouncing. My econ professor is a real big shot here. He used to be the provost, he knows EVERYONE, he teaches incredibly popular courses. And, on the advice of my TA, I asked him for a recommendation. And he said yes!! I am so, so, so, so happy. I asked him after class, which is held in the same building as the admissions office*, if he would write the rec, and as we were talking, he waved his hand towards their office and said "Yeah, I pretty much know everyone in there, so..." I am happy.

6) Tonight they're giving us pancakes. Yummy.

*It's rather unnerving to walk through the admissions office just to get to class. Seriously. And sometimes I have to go through their private little set of offices. Scary.

things i have learned in my first week of college courses

2009-06-25T23:49:00.002-04:00

1) TAs are actually superhelpful. Our econ TA? Nice, smart, and very chill. Plus, she tells us the "tricks" and things we should watch out for on our professor's tests.

2) The easiest way to get a variety of healthy foods at the dining hall is by varying the types of salads you makes for yourself at the salad bar.

3) Libraries are awesome.

4) Study carrels and study rooms in the library are awesome.

5) Leaving the bathroom door open after a long hot shower will almost certainly set off the smoke detector. Leaving the bathroom door closed causes the bathroom to be disgustingly humid for hours.

6) Buying individual snacks (like small bags of cookies and chips or whatever) is expensive, but buying large boxes of snacks causes me to eat ridiculous amounts of junk food in short time periods.

7) I actually do miss my parents.

8) Having roommates who have to go to class four hours earlier than you sucks.

9) Some professors are brilliant, but completely disorganized. Example: my Shakespeare professor apparently didn't bother to preorder one of the books at either of the two bookstores affiliated with the university. NOBODY HAS IT. And I can't figure out how to order it on Amazon because my address at the dorm is no fewer than six lines, which Amazon doesn't allow.

10) My high school is crazy. Seriously. There are kids here who feel like they're buried by the workload. The workload here is easier than at my school. Seriously.

(Can I just point out that for once I'm publishing a post that relates to the title of my blog?? Congratulate me!!!)

Two things

2009-06-19T21:31:00.003-04:00

One.

You know you're a chemistry nerd when you see that someone has written =O in their away message and instantly identify it as ~~ethanal~~ methanal.

Two.

I WILL BE IN *poof* IN 14 HOURS.

2009-06-13T10:47:00.001-04:00

For the first time in my life, we have a president who's not stuck-up and out of touch. So the United States doesn't look like it's being run by a moron. Thank god.

not dead.

2009-06-11T00:01:00.004-04:00

Busy.

The year is winding down at last, thank the lord.

But tonight I need to finish a second draft of a paper, and then maybe study for chem. I had planned to write a history essay tonight, too. And I should be in bed already.

So perhaps I shall return tomorrow, once the craziness has subsided slightly.

Enough is enough

2009-05-07T21:36:00.002-04:00

For the fifty million people who get to my blog by searching "how do you say x in latin?"

http://www.archives.nd.edu/cgi-bin/words.exe

That is an online Latin dictionary. Use it.

Seriously, why do so many people need to translate random things into Latin?

On a related note, though, I got another gold medal on the National Latin Exam. And since it's my fourth in a row, I get a special prize :) This has been a good week for the college applications.

:D

2009-05-02T17:52:00.000-04:00

Remember how, in January, I was spending ridiculous amounts of time writing a paper?

Well, that paper won a prize. I'm going to nationals!

Busy

2009-04-29T21:39:00.003-04:00

My mother did not leave work today until about twenty-five minutes ago. At 9:15 pm.

I feel so bad for her.

She's really stressed, and the routine of never being home is driving her insane.

On the bright side, of course, she and my dad are going to the Carolinas this week to look at houses. They're thinking of buying what will eventually become their retirement home, since houses are really cheap right now. And my mom needs a place to relax.

How sad

2009-04-27T18:49:00.001-04:00

A girl I know was in DC recently, and posted a picture of the Supreme Court along with her pictures of the Capitol, White House, etc, etc.

The caption?

"Some other building"

!!

2009-04-15T17:52:00.002-04:00

I got a free beverage card at Starbucks today because they thought they had taken too long with my drink.

I didn't even realize it.

on break

2009-04-10T22:48:00.001-04:00

finally.

You must read this

2009-04-09T07:33:00.001-04:00

Especially if you are a sadistic maniac like most of us.

http://ideas.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/09/we-like-speaking-ill-of-the-dead/?hp

2300

2009-04-07T17:46:00.000-04:00

And my dad thinks I should retake, with a 740 in math.

And both he and my guidance counselor think I should take the ACTs.

NO.

tomorrow is the day

2009-04-06T21:27:00.002-04:00

I'll find out my sat scores in less than twelve hours.

I cannot focus tonight.

I've checked that I know my password at the Collegeboard website about four times.

I've looked at scattergrams (GPA vs. SAT scores) for about eight colleges.

I have to update my resume, but I want to know my scores first.

TWELVE HOURS, PEOPLE.

twitter

2009-04-06T21:07:00.000-04:00

I won't post my twitter link (people's real names are on there and I like to pretend I'm anonymous), but it's there.

If you know me, email me for the link.

News

2009-04-01T21:52:00.004-04:00

1. I am officially a student at FCS for the summer. I sent in all my materials and got my student ID number and everything. Now, all that remains is for me to convince my parents to let me fly there on my own.

2. I have lots of tests tomorrow, but then I'm pretty much done until spring break, which starts next Friday. Knock on wood, of course.

3. I got to spend over an hour today mixing together solutions and making colorful precipitates. Next week, I will hopefully have some more salts of transition metals to play with so I can make even prettier colors.

4. Report cards for second trimester were mailed today. The only grade I'm sad about is in chemistry, and I should be able to get a high average third trimester so my grade for the year will be an A.

5. I got an honorable mention award at GWU Model UN.

Less than a week until SAT scores are released. I'm hoping that my confidence after the test translates into high scores.

In the news

2009-03-24T19:44:00.002-04:00

Things that make me happy:

Health Insurers Ease Stance on Preexisting Conditions. The title doesn't really do this article justice, but executives from Blue Cross and Blue Shield are saying that they're okay with more regulation of the insurance industry. Finally. Maybe people will actually be able to get healthcare now. (Of course, this is in exchange for the insurance companies still existing. I think the government should basically insure everybody. Because I don't really trust the free market.)
Cash-Strapped States Relax Prison Policies. The death penalty is no more in New Mexico, and community service programs are taking the place of jail time in a couple of states, including New Jersey. I mean, it's sad that this is happening because the economy is failing miserably, and I know that less money for jails will hurt a lot of people--my aunt is a dietician for New York State, and does meal planning for inmates. But really. Does locking people up really do anything?
Contraception Pill Strictures Are Eased by a Judge. Yay reproductive freedom. Enough said.

Things that make me sad:

Strip-Search of Girl Tests Limits of School Policy. They freaking strip-searched a thirteen year old? Seriously?
Criminals in Med School. I don't know what bothers me more, that people are arguing against the extensive privacy rights in Sweden or that a murderer could become a doctor.

Why do I bother?

2009-03-23T21:35:00.002-04:00

I had a math test on Friday. I studied integrals of polar functions for HOURS...only to find that they weren't on the test. The stuff I didn't study, assuming that he wouldn't test us on it since he had just taught it the day before? Yeah, that stuff made up more than two-thirds of the test. Fun.

I walked out of that room really upset. My teacher is famous for using incredibly difficult questions, only about a third of which can really be answered. But this test was photocopied from an actual AP test prep book. So I figured that everyone else, who I thought had studied more than I did, had done much better.

There were two sets of questions I couldn't understand, each based around a premise.

The first was whether the sum of 1/n converges. Don't make fun of me, I now know that this is basic (it diverges, for the normal people out there). But the test was the day after we had learned all the material, and I adn't had time to let it sink in.

The second was about bounds. My memory of my confusion is unclear, because I honestly don't see how I didn't get this. Basically, bounded series are not necessarily convergent. (see the sine function. any sine function.) But I did not know this, because I had no idea what bounded meant. I know, I know, but at the time it felt like there were options.

Together, there were between five and ten questions based around these two facts that I did not know. On a twenty-nine-question test.

I guessed correctly. For both of them.

And got the top score in the class.

I also got a 92 on that Lit presentation--the one during which I had a freaking panic attack.

Seriously. WHY DO I BOTHER.

Procrastination pays off

2009-03-16T21:40:00.002-04:00

I had to do a Lit presentation today. I had the thing mostly written, but this morning before school realized that it had no organization whatsoever and was just generally terrible.

The project was to pick a poem relating to the book we just finished reading, The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro (oh how I love that book), and talk about how it relates thematically. It was a five-minute presentation, including the time we took to read the poem aloud.

I worked on it throughout the day and finished it during the class prior to Lit. I whispered the whole thing once through, and then went to class.

I was SO NERVOUS. Lit is probably the class that I stress about the most, because I always feel like I have no idea what I'm talking about. I sat through two of my classmates' presentation and tried to discreetly review my notes, but couldn't bring myself to totally ignore what they were saying.

Then it was my turn.

I started to freak out a little bit as I handed out copies of my poem, "It Was All Very Tidy" by Robert Graves. I made it through my introduction, but my heart started POUNDING as I began to panic about my unpreparedness. So when I started to read my poem, I read it ridiculously slowly. I figured that the points I would lose for reading my poem too slowly would be fewer than the points I would lose for being completely incoherent over the course of the entire presentation.

Reading slowly calmed me down, so I was fine for the rest of the presentation, even though I still had basically no clue what I was talking about. I threw in random references to the book that came to my head as I was speaking, but afterwards I thought I had done terribly.

I sat down. I can't even imagine how red my face had been.

My teacher looked over at me and said "I thought the way you read your poem was very effective...almost creepy, the way you went really slowly. It worked really well."

My classmates chimed in, agreeing with her, and telling me how well I had read the poem.

In the hallway after class, someone came up to me and told me they were impressed by how well-organized my presentation was.

Moral of the story: Have a panic attack in the middle of the presentation after not rehearsing, then throw in random facts whenever you feel like it. And people will think you are smart.

!

2009-03-11T14:16:00.001-04:00

I played tennis yesterday, for the first time in over a month. It was wonderful, of course.

And I've started an essay that's not due until Friday! Incredible!

(I have barely started studying for the SATs on Saturday, but, well, I can't do everything, right?)

Math is hard.

2009-03-07T19:37:00.003-05:00

I have used two full erasers on math today.

I am still nowhere near ready for my trimester final on Tuesday.

I still have no topic for my Lit presentation.

BUT! Tomorrow I am going to see The Cherry Orchard in the city! And it will be fun! And I am excited!

And the Lit presentation is on a book I am in love with, by an author I am in love with! Which you should read, if you haven't yet: The Remains of the Day, by Kazuo Ishiguro.

And I can sort of do integrals!

In love

2009-03-03T23:59:00.003-05:00

With my IB Lit paper topic.

I love it.

I'm actually enjoying writing a paper at midnight the night before it's due.*

The unfortunate consequence of this is that it is taking forever to write, for some reason. I stop and think waaaay more often than when I'm writing about topics I hate.

*If you want to go all technical, it's a day and a half after it was due. Because it was due on Monday. Which was a snow day. And we have no class on Tuesdays.

You know you go to nerd school when...

2009-03-01T21:55:00.003-05:00

You have a snow day, and all everyone is talking about on facebook is how they now have time to write their IB Lit papers.

And then you talk about meeting to study for chemistry on the snow day with a friend.

I love my school.

Some people are nice.

2009-03-01T10:36:00.002-05:00

In the mail on Thursday, I got a large priority mail envelope.

I opened it up.

My wallet was inside. The money was gone, but my license and various cards were all still there.

A note read "Found near the [town] post office". Said town is nowhere near where I live.

Thank you, whoever you are.

Voting rights for DC?

2009-02-25T12:09:00.001-05:00

They would have to change the license plates! That will make me so sad!!

(And ps: how idiotic is it that republicans actually oppose this bill? "No, actually, we don't want all citizens to be represented...")

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/25/us/politics/25cong.html?ref=us

Math classes.

2009-02-23T23:40:00.005-05:00

I'm taking easy math next year.

It was hard for me to not take the highest level I placed into. Hard, as in I interrogated random people about what class they thought I should take. As in not deciding until ten minutes before the deadline.

But I know I made the right decision.

After I hit the "logout" button on the registration page, a huge wave of relief washed over me. And I've been happier all day.

In the end the choice was between being miserable or not being miserable. And boiled down to those terms, it wasn't much of a choice at all.

Noooooooo.

2009-02-22T21:55:00.000-05:00

Nate Silver was wrong.

How could this happen???

http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2009/02/oscars-liveblog.html

Lists. Probably boring.

2009-02-22T11:50:00.002-05:00

What I wanted to get done, vs. what I actually did. Keep in mind that I have every intention of finishing certain things today.

SAT: I wanted to take a full practice test. I did study a bit for the math, but it occurred to me that I have two weekends before the test and I didn't want to sit still for four hours.
Math: I wanted to finish all the homework that I haven't done. I did one of the two assignments. I tried the second but had no idea where to begin with the problems.
Latin: The one subject I actually did! I wanted to study and take some practice tests for the NLE. I studied, took a practice test, and did well. Yay!
Medical Microbiology: I NEED to write my paper. It is supposedly due Tuesday, although the teacher only mentioned this once and half the class has probably forgotten. Five pages of writing in the first person from the perspective of a virus. I have about two sentences done. This is going to eat my time today.
Lit: I wanted to do the reading, and I did. I wanted to start my paper, and I probably will, because Lit is more enjoyable than Microbiology.
Apps: I wanted to write both essays. I wrote 25% of one. Oh well. Maybe later?
AP Chem. I planned to start studying. This was one of those plans that I made at the beginning of break when I had all the time in the world to study. In reality, there's no need to study before the morning of the test (Thursday).
History: Starting the project would have been a good idea. I'll send out an email to my group members later.

I have a checklist written out on my desk. Of the ten items listed, I completely finished two, at least started four, and barely touched four. That's not terrible productivity for a break, right?

Off

2009-02-16T19:45:00.002-05:00

On break!!

Tomorrow morning, my dad and I leave to visit colleges: Georgetown tomorrow, University of Maryland on Wednesday, and Johns Hopkins and maybe Penn on Thursday.

It is supposed to rain and snow.

But I wrote the first sentence of my summer program application essay! And I read a book on Saturday! And I went shopping today!

A fairly productive break, but I still need to make a list of what needs to be done so that I can figure out what will be most efficient to bring with me for the 11+ hours of train rides. (It's dumb, but I LOVE trains. They're so much fun, for no reason at all.)

A sidenote:

Did anyone else see the headline of this article and think "EPIC FAIL" besides me?

Nuclear Submarines Collide in the Atlantic

Things on my mind

2009-02-11T23:33:00.004-05:00

Summer program applications. Should I apply to two programs? How do I ask my teachers (I'm awkward like that.)? What is my favorite book, for the essay? What classes should I take--stuff towards the core, or electives?

Family stuff. Things are happening. And I'm actually not allowed to say more than that. But it will have an impact on day-to-day life.

Personal stuff. I have a big decision I have to make. I want to say yes, but my nervous side puts my into a panic every time I come close to doing so. I know this is cryptic. But I have no idea what to do. And I have no one I can ask for help.

SAT stuff. Yeah, I know, boring. But I need to bring up the math and writing scores so I don't feel bad about myself. Especially the math, since FCS doesn't look at writing.

School stuff. I'm doing decently. My grade is a little low in chem, but it shall go up. I've finally gotten over most of my self-consciousness in lit.

Tennis/fitness stuff. I am so out-of-shape. I've restarted my ten-minute workout routine, but I've been needing to get outside and serve, because that always makes me feel good for some reason. But I cannot do that until the courts are totally dry, which they probably won't be until it's too cold to play outside.

Health stuff. My eating habits are terrible. And I don't get enough sleep. Bad combination.

It's weird, that looks like a lot written down, but it actually seems more manageable this way than it did jumbled up in my head.

I'm an idiot.

2009-02-11T23:09:00.003-05:00

I lost my wallet.

Which had about $150 in it. In other terms: all my cash. All of it. The money I had already committed to spending, in some cases.

And my license. Which means I have to go back to the MVC and redo the ID verification.

And my Barnes and Noble member card. Losing it makes me feel like a terrible person, since my great-aunts pay for half the membership fee.

And of course, I lost it by leaving it on the bus. The bus! I left my school ID on the bus once, but never have I left something so substantial.

Here's what happened: I pulled the wallet (which I loved, by the way. It was pretty colors and had stripes.) out of my bag to buy a snack on my way out of school. When I got to my seat on the bus, I was in the middle of a conversation, so I just put the wallet on the seat next to me rather than putting it back in my backpack where it belonged.

When I got off the bus, I never picked up the wallet.

Idiot.

The thing is, I know for a fact that I had my wallet on the bus. I noticed at about ten-thirty that night that it was gone. I did not go out that night. I sat in my room all evening doing homework.

The bus driver did not find it when he did his daily check of the bus, and nor did I when I searched the next time I rode the bus.

It was left on that bus.

Now, I try to think the best of people. I know that I myself do things that inconvenience people and annoy the hell out of them.

But really.

You sit down in a school bus and find a wallet with someone's fucking license in it.

And you take it?

Initially, I thought that maybe a classmate had picked it up for me and then forgotten to give it to me. But it's been a week now, and no one has approached me.

When I told my parents, rather than being scolded, I was given a lecture about how every young adult needs to lose their wallet so they will be aware of how annoying it is. I hate that. If they had screamed at me, I could have at least vented to my friends about how I did one little thing wrong (not putting the wallet in my bag) while someone else did something big wrong (STEALING MY FUCKING WALLET). Instead I have to deal with their disappointed looks every time they ask if I've found it. Which totally sucks.

I still find myself spending inordinate amounts of time being annoyed with myself and looking in corners I've checked multiple times before.

I really, really wish I hadn't been so stupid, on so many levels. Keeping all that money with me (yes, it was the week after the model UN trip, so I have somewhat of an excuse, but I'm still an idiot), not putting it back, and then not picking it up. And since I'm committed to buying an eight-dollar T-shirt for National Latin Honor Society this week, and paying for two boxes of Girl Scout cookies I've ordered, and early next month paying for lunch in the city and transportation to and from Brooklyn, I need some way to get my hands on some cash. I may have to dip into my savings account, for the first time since it was opened, nine years ago.

excited

2009-02-04T20:41:00.002-05:00

The Model UN conference held at my school begins tomorrow.

I have put a fair amount of work into this. Nametags. Sorting flags. Counting folders. Moving boxes. Finding room numbers.

I am so freaking excited.

But nervous.

Cleaning

2009-01-31T17:28:00.002-05:00

It's both a blessing and a curse how cleaning can allow me to put off homework.

I admit that my room needed to be cleaned, but I also reorganized my bookshelves and cleaned out my closet, including the three giant bags of sheet music left over from when I played the cello.

I did not write my "statement of intent" for our Lit pastiche (which was supposed to be done tonight because my group is coming over to rehearse. We're doing "The Lottery" in the style of Chekhov. It's actually really funny. But anyway. I was supposed to take the notes prepared by a group member and turn them into an essay. And memorize my lines.

Neither have been done.

But my room is clean.

How fitting.

2009-01-29T15:43:00.002-05:00

I don't have time now to go back through the archives, but I can't remember if I ever wrote a post about the Ledbetter case. I certainly meant to.

It's something that, as a woman, I feel strongly about. And, as a person, I was absolutely sickened by the way Alito spun the facts to make it sound like Ledbetter was at fault for not figuring out earlier that she had been ripped off.

The president is taking steps, with the very first bill he's signed, to correct the discrimination that has not only been allowed, but encouraged by the last administration. We're not just talking about women, here, either: who do you think is affected more by restrictions on abortions? The white, educated, upper middle class? I'm not going to begin my diatribe on LGBT rights--I had enough of that at MUN this weekend.

Obama summed up the meaning of the moment far better than I ever could:

“It is fitting that with the very first bill I sign — the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act — we are upholding one of this nation’s first principles: that we are all created equal and each deserve a chance to pursue our own version of happiness.”

We are all created equal. If you think about it, every single one of us has been victimized at one point or another for something beyond our control. Even if it was just a joke on the playground in third grade. Everyone has been hurt.

This bill is the kind of step that our country needs to take. We need to lower our tolerance for discrimination at every level: representation in Congress and the White House, executives in business, rights to marriage, privacy, and choice, and all the way down to the playground comments that we still remember, years later.

Test

2009-01-28T20:15:00.001-05:00

This is a test post.

But anyway, do you like the new layout? I was bored of polka dots.

S'mores for dessert

2009-01-28T20:06:00.001-05:00

Courtesy of my sister's flamethrower.

There's nothing like a face full of goopy sugary goodness to put me in a better mood.

I heart Gmail labs

2009-01-28T15:59:00.003-05:00

I can have chat on the right! And a google calendar box-thing! Exciting!

Yes, this is what I do on snow days instead of catching up on my mountains of work.

Wow.

2009-01-27T09:08:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27well.html?_r=1&8dpc

So, teenagers are having less sex but more babies. Because fewer of them are using contraceptives.

Abstinence-only sex ed is obviously working.

"how do you say always learning in latin"

2009-01-25T20:49:00.001-05:00

Google search.

Answer: Semper discens.

You're welcome.

Wallaby

2009-01-25T19:22:00.002-05:00

Does anyone else find it amusing that "wallaby" is the OED's word of the day?

In other news, I got best delegate at model UN in the SCOTUS committee! And our school won Best Large Delegation!

At Model UN.

2009-01-23T13:07:00.001-05:00

I am a Supreme Court justice.

EPIC awesomeness.

None of my colleagues nor the attorneys have heard of the cases I cite. It's hilarious.

Today we switch from justices to attorneys to argue a hypothetical case about the nationalization of the auto industry.

I get to show my Socialist roots :P

One question.

2009-01-22T11:22:00.004-05:00

I had a miserable evening last night. An essay to write, a quiz to study for, and packing to do. Plus, the looming History Day paper that is too far from completion.

So I stayed up very late. How very? Well, let's just say that I required two servings of ice cream, a few truffles, about five pieces of gum, and three glasses of juice. Late.

I woke up this morning to my mother coming into my room to say goodbye and promptly tripping over my (completely packed) suitcase. And then cursing and giving me a glare. Um, sorry? I put my suitcase in the middle of my room? So I could pack it? Yeah. Totally inexcusable.

I then didn't have time for breakfast, and made a complete fool of myself trying to get onto the bus. I had a backpack, a shopping bag (with my magic book and other nerdy things in it) and the aforementioned suitcase. And I already suck at getting on the bus because I'm clumsy and have no sense of balance while wearing a backpack.

I get to school, I finish the lit essay, cram for the quiz, and almost fall asleep multiple times.

I feel like I'm wading through mud. Everything takes more effort than it should, and my brain isn't at its best.

But then, in my second hour chem class, my teacher asked me how I was doing as he handed out worksheets. This teacher is one of the most sadistic and cynical teachers I've had.

I told him I was tired.

He said something somewhat sympathetic then went up and taught. I feel so much better now.

Teachers care. I must remember that, because it keeps me from becoming a basket case.

I'm still a nerd.

2009-01-19T22:51:00.002-05:00

I watched the beginning of this movie, which shows a guy enriching plutonium for a nuclear weapon, and all I could think about were the zillions of inaccuracies.

The plutonium was a lime-green LIQUID.
They bombarded the plutonium with electrons. Whaaaattt??????
Enough static electricity was created in the air to make visible sparks between fingers and metal objects.
There was a magnet involved??
There was a laser involved--even now, laser techniques for enrichment aren't viable.
Nitrogen triiodide would have made a bigger boom and been more red, less blue.

Sigh.

Argh.

2009-01-19T12:49:00.002-05:00

My sister is having friends over to study for midterms.

This annoys me for two reasons.

First, they're loud. I can hear them from my room with music on.

Second, they're way more productive than I am. And I'm supposed to be the studious one.

But I'm happy because 1) they have midterms and I don't, and 2) now my sister can't bother me every five seconds!!

Hmm.

2009-01-19T12:46:00.001-05:00

I can't chew gum, listen to music, and write my paper at the same time.

But I can't write the paper without doing one of the others.

Odd. This is a bad habit, right?

Procrastinating.

2009-01-18T21:11:00.001-05:00

This is not good.

I have to write 1700 words by tomorrow night.

I think I'm averaging like 20 words written per hour at the computer.

Why?

BECAUSE ITUNES IS REFUSING TO PLAY MUSIC. (Which actually does make me work better.)

WHY?????

This is so true.

2009-01-18T13:49:00.001-05:00

Your Word is "Why"

You see life as complicated and intriguing. The only thing you know for sure is that you haven't figured it all out yet.

You question everything and believe very little. And whatever you believe is likely to change.

You are interested in theories, philosophies, and religions... even if you don't buy into any of them.

You are also fascinated by how things work. You'd like to understand as much in the world as possible.

What's Your Word?

How does the internets summarize my life better than I can?

OMGZ!! Less sleep=more colds????

2009-01-14T22:53:00.002-05:00

Really? You needed to publish an article about this?

From the NY Times:

People who got less than seven hours of sleep a night were almost three times more likely than those who slept eight hours or more to get sick after exposure to a cold virus, a new study has found.

Adults who spent a lot of time in bed tossing and turning were even more vulnerable, the researchers reported.
“The poorer your sleep, the worse off you are,” said Sheldon Cohen, a professor of psychology at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh and first author of the study, which was published on Monday in The Archives of Internal Medicine. “That was the surprise.”

So my lack of sleep + fidgety-ness means that I shall get a cold.

And yes, I toss and turn ALL FREAKING NIGHT. The kids I have to share with at Model UN hate it. And it's a pain, because it means that more often than not, I wake up two minutes before my alarm goes off because I've kicked off my blankets.

But look:

Unfortunately, [some professor] said, people don’t have much control over their sleep efficiency.

That's superhelpful. Thanks. I'm more likely to get sick than someone who sleeps just as much as me, but I can do NOTHING about it. Wonderful.

No joke.

2009-01-14T20:04:00.000-05:00

I fell asleep reading MY OWN ESSAY.

I need a break.

2009-01-12T19:30:00.002-05:00

Last night I was up late studying for chem and writing a lit essay.

Today I was exhausted and sick.

My dad picked me up after my last class (an hour early). I came home, and slept for two hours. I then ate dinner and got together the stuff I need for tomorrow.

Next I shall make my lunch, write a little of my Sam Adams paper and/or my Model UN position papers, and go to bed.

I have a post brewing.

2009-01-08T01:21:00.002-05:00

It's actually a thoughtful post. But it's about something that, if I'm going to write about, I need to do it fully and well.

So it might be awhile before that post gets up.

But today I heard a teacher telling a student something in the hallway that just made me feel good about my school and reminded me that, to me, school feels like home:

"Hey, whatever you need, just ask. We'll take care of it. We're here to help you."

I think that gets lost sometimes. I'm always incredibly nervous about interrupting teachers, or asking them to take time away from their grading, etc, to explain concepts that I'm confused by, especially if the topics are relatively simplistic. But I've never once had a teacher turn me away when I needed help. And I've often had teachers willingly help me with other classes' work, or things for activities, or just things I'm curious about. I've had quick on-topic questions turn into twenty-minute conversations about whether the Amazon Kindle and products like it will ever completely take over the market (the verdict: no, and both the teacher and I would be distraught if it did). And today, when a friend and I needed help with an assignment and none of the teachers we knew in the department were in school, we asked another teacher, who pulled out three reference books and was glad to help us.

I don't know if this is common to all schools, or common to well-funded schools, or special to schools like mine where over sixty percent of faculty hold a master's degree or higher in their field and often worked in that field before starting to teach. But I need to remember that most teachers probably don't mind answering "stupid" questions all that much. They want to help me learn and be the best student I can be.

January

2009-01-03T12:58:00.003-05:00

January is a pretty big month for me. My History Day paper is due at the end of the month, I have a IB Lit practice comparison to write, plus eventually the actual IB paper, and there's a Model UN Conference starting on the twenty-ninth. Plus I take my driving test on Friday.

So I have all this stuff to do.

One thing that I find helps me to get stuff done is having a to-do list. It's odd, because I always have in my head what I need to get done anyway, but having the physical list, ordered by priority, doesn't give me a chance to wander around the house indecisive about what comes first.

Here are my goals for today:

1) Write at least two paragraphs of the Lit paper. In theory, this should not be difficult, because I already have a very detailed outline to work from. I've always found, though, that writing the paper takes longer than I expect it to.

2) Write one of the briefs for my Model UN committee. I'm on the Supreme Court. A friend, for Christmas, gave me Chemerinsky's Con Law tome. So my research consists of looking up the relevant sections in his book, skimming the Federalist Paper that deals with the issue, and reading the statue that applies. Notice that reading the actual Constitution isn't really part of that.

3) Try to figure out my focus for the History Day paper is going to be.

4) LEARN TO PARALLEL PARK.

If I focus, this should be doable. If I spend two hours reading the New York Times like I did last night at one a.m., I won't even come close to finishing.

The non-required things I want to do at some point, not necessarily today or tomorrow:

1) Read more Ibsen. I read Ghosts and A Doll's House while I was away. I want to reread Ghosts and possibly read the other plays in the book I have. Ibsen is a really cool writer. His characters are as dysfunctional as real people.

2) Finish Much Ado About Nothing. So far, it's not as funny as, say, Twelfth Night, but it is funny.

3) Catch up on The New Yorker? I'm two weeks behind, as usual.

I have a feeling that I'll be able to finish the Shakespeare this weekend, but I'm not sure about the others.

And by the way, people? I checked my analytics and I have at least twice as many visitors as I have commenters. Which kind of creeps me out.

Smiles and laughs

2008-12-28T17:44:00.004-05:00

It's my birthday!

Dinner tonight in a private room at the club--I'm wearing my favorite dress, a red one that I got last summer at H&M.

We're having beef tenderloin, asparagus, and baked potatoes. I'm not sure what's for dessert, but I predict that it will involve almond cookies, which are my favorite :)

Then, gifts later.

It's also my dad's birthday--we got him Dreams From My Father. I think he'll be pleased.

At my grandma's.

2008-12-27T23:40:00.003-05:00

I had forgotten that she bought herself a computer about eight months ago, and set up super-fast high-speed internet to go with it.

So here I am, among the old people.

The biggest thing I hadn't remembered was that everyone dresses the same. Seriously. It's like they have uniforms. Perfectly creased shorts and a polo. The more adventurous sometimes go for a crisp button-down with the sleeves folded up, or one of those T-shirts you see in Saks or Neiman Marcus for fifty bucks and wonder who would pay for. Pastels and colors like salmon or sky blue are the only ones allowed.

In the evenings, St. John takes hold. Thousand-dollar dresses and suits for the ladies. The outfits are perfectly put together, with jewelry that tastefully compliments the clothes, and every hair is in place. The men are in jacket and tie. Every collar is perfectly starched, and they all know when to button and unbutton their blazers.

My grandma knows everybody here, and so I get to shake hands with various people and pretend I remember them from years past. Then I look down at my dinner and wish it weren't impolite to start eating the prime rib, which is getting cold fast, while my grandma is still catching up with old friends.

My sister is good at that stuff. She smiles and meets the people's eyes, and tells them how glad she is to see them again, while I shake their hands awkwardly and hope my words don't sound as fake to them as they do to me.

My mom is incredibly uptight. She's with her mother-in-law, and completely out of her usual environment. My dad was raised in the upper middle-class, belonging to a country club and being sent to a fancy boarding school. But my mom's family struggled to make ends meet--her dad didn't have a college degree, and they had five kids. So she's trying to relax, but she has no clue what to say or do, and because she's so insecure, she gets tense.

Vacations are supposed to be relaxing. But I spend so much time worrying about whether things are appropriate that it ends up just being a burden. I'm tense and self-conscious ALL THE TIME as it is, and throwing me into an environment with kids that are like those in my town, but ten times worse, just ends up being stressful.

At least the food is good. Tonight was the buffet at the main clubhouse, and I had shrimp, crab legs, seared tuna, salad, grouper, and prime rib, along with some vegetables.

mm.

Pretty uneventful

2008-12-25T22:32:00.003-05:00

No arguments until the last five minutes of the party:

Uncle: Postscript, have you read Robert Bork's book?
Me: (laughs) The Tempting of America? Yeah.
Uncle: Yeah, I like his books, I almost bought it for you...
Me: I love Bork. He's so ridiculous.

pause.

Uncle: I didn't find it ridiculous at all.
Sigh. I had already had to leave the room once that evening when my great-aunt was discussing the relative merits of various priests she had known.

Those darn Republicans.

P.S. I'll be away until the second--unless one of my grandmother's neighbors has unsecure wireless, expect no posts.

Retaking.

2008-12-23T14:18:00.001-05:00

Sigh.

I mean, I took them early so that I would have time to retake them. But STILL.

CR: 800 (??)
M: 690 (WTF????)
W: 700
E: 9
MC: 69

690 on math? Really?

ugh.

Freaking out.

2008-12-22T22:23:00.001-05:00

SAT scores come out in under ten hours.

Now was not the night to drink two large mugs of strong cocoa.

But I did it anyway, and now have a headache from the ridiculous amounts of sugar and caffeine I consumed.

Question

2008-12-21T20:48:00.000-05:00

How unethical is it to connect to your neighbors' unsecure wifi when yours isn't working?

Pretty much done.

2008-12-21T19:03:00.002-05:00

The gifts are purchased, made, and wrapped.

The massive packet of ninety-four biology definitions that needed to be handwritten is finished.

I think I have a topic for my comparison essay.

Writing Christmas cards and actually giving out gifts is all that's left, I think.

Somehow, I was able to avoid sitting down with my new David Sedaris book and reading it straight through for twelve hours this weekend. Instead, I did the bio packet and thought about lit.

Now...christmas cards and an outline.

Tomorrow's Agenda

2008-12-19T20:53:00.003-05:00

In the morning, I'm going to a craft store to get the jars I need for the gifts for my teachers. I'm making homemade hot cocoa mix, and packaging it with chocolate chips and mini-marshmallows in a nice glass jar.

Then, at some point in the afternoon, I'm going into town to get my hair cut. I'll probably also check out Rite-Aid for some wrapping stuff, since we don't have many nondenominational gift bags (which I need, because a) I suck at wrapping gifts and b) how do you wrap a glass jar???).

Then I'm going to the Gap to buy myself some clothes. They're having a sale, with ten-dollar long-sleeved shirts, which I desperately need (want?). Plus, during my trip to the mall last weekend, I successfully resisted buying myself like three pairs of shoes that I wouldn't wear. So I feel like I can treat myself to something nice I'll actually use.

Right next door to the Gap is the local bookstore, where I'm planning on getting Dreams from my Father plus some history book for my dad for Christmas and his birthday. And finally, I'll hit Stop & Shop to buy some high-quality chocolate chips.

This is my life

2008-12-19T00:27:00.001-05:00

http://xkcd.com/519/

Soon

2008-12-18T11:25:00.002-05:00

This afternoon, tomorrow, Monday, and a half-day on Tuesday.

That's it.

Then I'm free.

It has occurred to me, though, that this vacation won't be all that exciting. I have an essay to work on, my History Day project to write, and research to do for Model UN.

Plus, like five books I want to read. A couple of plays by Shakespeare, plus some more Chekhov, plus a book about Sam Adams, plus a fantasy by an author I used to be obsessed with.

But somehow it still sounds pretty relaxing.

Hell Week

2008-12-17T00:12:00.002-05:00

Lit essay Monday
choir rehearsal monday
Math test tuesday
choir concert tuesday
History assignment wednesday
Physics test wednesday
AP Chem problem set thursday
History test friday
model un bakesale friday

forgive my non-posts

Essaying at midnight

2008-12-10T23:40:00.000-05:00

Wilson’s government take positions that supported American businesses some time.

Whew.

2008-12-06T13:14:00.002-05:00

Finished. I think it went fairly well.

There was one math problem that was unsolvable. I don't know what was up with that. Ayway, the essay prompt was easy, the questions were easy, and the experimental section was critical reading.

Sigh.

Tomorrow

2008-12-05T19:44:00.002-05:00

I'm going to be one of those annoyingly overprepared kids. In my bag I have ten brand-new pencils, a graphing calculator with brand new batteries, extra batteries, and a scientific calculator. I also have my admission ticket, my ID, and a snack.

Beam good thoughts my way. My high PSAT scores (with a perfect score on critical reading!) that came in yesterday improved my confidence a lot.

So hopefully I'll do well.

I'm Definitely a Junior

2008-12-02T21:30:00.002-05:00

I get offended when people ask me to wear my ID.
I think class is a waste of time.
I don't do homework when it's not collected or checked.
I look for excuses to wear pajamas all day.
I consider eleven pm an early bedtime.
Freshman are babies.
I wish I were a freshman.
I'm writing a blog post instead of studying. Or sleeping.

Gattaca, for real?

2008-11-30T12:33:00.002-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/30/sports/30genetics.html?_r=1&hp=&pagewanted=all

A test to see what sports a kid will be good at. Jesus, that's scary.

I mean, what's next, determining the intelligence gene? Genetic manipulation is scary enough, but testing two-year-olds to see what sports they should be playing?

The world is really screwed up.

One week.

2008-11-29T20:30:00.000-05:00

Buried in my CR workbook and grammar study guide.

Sounds like fun???

Barron's Practice Test

2008-11-28T23:43:00.002-05:00

I'm thinking that at least part of this is lack of attention during the first three sections...I was distracted by my desire to watch The Office online...but still. Seriously?? Jesus.

11/28
CR: 720
Math: 740
Writing: 630???

Total: 2090

An ambiguous question increases CR to a 730. (Ambiguous being determined by myself, my homeroom teacher, and my father.)

So, 2090 on Barron's corresponds to what in real life, exactly??

Dear Google,

2008-11-26T22:16:00.003-05:00

I love you, like everyone else, despite the fact that you're taking over the world.

I especially love my shiny new Gmail theme. It's called Zoozimps and there are little people in my inbox. There are more little people in the spam and trash folders. It's terribly exciting.

But here's the thing. I love Google Calendars, too. Except for when I try to change the color of a calendar. You have 21 colors available. Would it kill you to have some that aren't ugly?

Love,
Postscript

mm exciting research project

2008-11-26T21:57:00.002-05:00

I officially chose a topic for History Day. The theme is "Individuals in History: Actions and Legacies" or something like that. I am going to write about Sam Adams, and how he was not a propagandist, but a legit statesman. Or, the other way around, depening on how I'm feeling.

There's this book I want to use DESPERATELY, but the nearest available copy is in the city. So I'm thinking that I will take a little field trip at some point. I've always wanted to actually have a legitimate excuse to study in the New York Public Library, and now I do :)

Of course, I either have to go by myself, find a friend who's willing to sit and watch me read about how terrible a guy Sam Adams was for hours, or bring my parents. I would prefer to just go by myself. I mean, we're talking broad daylight here, in places I've been multiple times. And seriously, the walk from Port Authority to the library will take about five minutes, and is in the heart of the touristy section of the city. But I still don't think my parents are going to let me go by myself. I need to find someone who has no life to come with me and be bored.

This ignores, of course, the fact that I have no time for such an excursion. Argh. Maybe the Saturday before Christmas? But traffic will be terrible.

Away

2008-11-21T19:18:00.000-05:00

Away for model UN until Sunday.

Don't expect any posts.

Tomorrow's the big day.

2008-11-17T20:05:00.002-05:00

Math and chem tests.

Okay, poll of internets:

Is it fair for a teacher to hand out a grading plan at the beginning of the year and then not follow it at all???

Check

2008-11-16T19:21:00.002-05:00

Position paper done. Only about half BS, I think.

Next: Math, then chem and physiology references in front of a house rerun.

My parents went out for dinner tonight so lil sis and I got pizza. Now she has CCD so I am going to take advantage of the big-screen tv :)

I never got dressed today. I went ouside twice--once to bring in groceries, and once to take out the recycling. I was wearing pajamas, hot-pink polka-dotted socks, and lime green flip-flops. Lovely, right? (Don't even ask about my hair today...)

I just lost four days.

2008-11-16T17:25:00.002-05:00

I thought my position paper for the Model UN conference I'm going to on Thursday is due tomorrow night at midnight, not at the start of the first committee session.

To-do:

By Monday:

References for physiology paper.
Review chemistry notes for possible quiz.
Write position paper.

By Tuesday:

Study for chemistry final.
Study for math final.

Then I have to start my physiology take-home test, which is due the day after I get back from the conference (guess what I'll be doing while everyone else is at the dance or sleeping. FUN!).

Then I have to study for the biology test on Thursday. Which is the last class I have before we leave for the trip. I have such wonderful luck.

Then I have to figure out why I'm failing at critical reading.

Sigh. Every time I think I have a handle on things, I end up overwhelmed.

SAT.

2008-11-15T20:34:00.001-05:00

I find it alarming that College Board has put up ads for the SAT on Facebook. Seriously? I can't even procrastinate without being reminded that I have twelve million things to do?

I registered for the December test last night. Shudder.

My sister is driving me crazy.

2008-11-14T19:42:00.001-05:00

I had a fight with my dad about this this morning, which led him to kicking me out of the car at my bus stop and making me stand in the rain for ten minutes. But then he didn't make me walk home. But then he said we need to talk.

My little sister is such a pain.

Gotta love gmail ads

2008-11-12T18:34:00.002-05:00

I'm writing a paper about endoscopy for my physiology class and have emailed it back and forth to myself several times. Of course, I used my gmail, because my school account has room for like two emails before the memory quota is full.

So you can imagine the kinds of ads I'm getting. They're very charming. And honestly, somewhat alarming. I searched one of the links on google (so my handy little McAfee Sitechecker would warn me if it was evil), and discovered a couple pieces of wrong/outdated information.

On a somewhat related note. Three people have visited my site recently after searching for "learningfuck" on google.

One for "bought my first suit now what".

One for "barnes noble learning section".

And two for "dealing with jerks". Ha.

(Oh, and ps. My dad just let my sister build a fire. Bad idea.)

I want this t-shirt sooo badly.

2008-11-10T18:05:00.001-05:00

It's theobromine! Aka chocolate!!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/sciencemath/8f6f/

Wow, that hurt.

2008-11-09T23:17:00.002-05:00

My mom called me a godless heathen today and I was not bothered in the least.

You would think she would have figured out by now that me refusing to go to church doesn't mean that I heart Jesus.

University of Chicago and Northwestern

2008-11-08T23:57:00.004-05:00

Some more detailed thoughts about the two schools:

UChicago was great. I loved the neighborhood and the atmosphere around campus. There was stuff going on and so many different types of people around. All the buildings were nice. I loved the library--trust the engineering kid to be fascinated by the stairs!

I also felt like I could fit in with all the people I saw there. A friend of mine has a T-shirt that says "2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2". I LOVE that T-shirt. And there was someone wearing it! I pointed him out to my dad, who proceeded to laugh at me for being such a nerd. But seriously! I could make friends with people who find thast shirt funny! Nerds like me! Yay!

And then there was the bookstore. Seriously. I literally could have spent all day in there. I think the best way I heard it described was a "labyrinth of books". Man. I could live there.

Northwestern. It was okay. But just okay. And the students reminded me of the ones who go to my town high school. For all I know, they could be as nice as they pretend to be. But do I want to take that risk? Evanston was nice, too. It almost reminded me of my town. Weird.

One last random thought: I played tennis today for the first time in weeks. My first shot, I framed the ball completely. My second, I MISSED THE BALL. Epic, epic, fail. But then I won my match, which would have been good, except for I only beat her because I have more match experience than her, so it's not really a true win.

Next time I contemplate not playing tennis for any extended period, stop me please.

A fun-filled day ahead of me.

2008-11-02T09:35:00.001-05:00

Tour guiding at the open house for my school. Pre-frosh are HILARIOUS.
Dinner with the conservative side of the family. Sounds superfun, yes? I should start practicing my not-talking skills now.
Bed.

Simplifying life is kind of depressing.

Latin at my school

2008-11-01T20:19:00.002-04:00

My school is a magnet school that's supposed to produce the leaders of the twenty-first century, or something like that. We have an electron microscope, with a second on the way, and more computers than students, and plasma TVs lining the hallways that play what are essentially infomercials about our school. We've won awards and gotten many, many grants and are actually too smart to be included in the Newsweek high school rankings. (No joke. We feel very excluded.)

But the curriculum office has decided to phase out our Latin program, and offer Mandarin instead. (Viviana has a post about the meeting the principal held with our angry parents.)

I nearly cried when I heard about this. The curriculum office made their decision without asking the students what we thought, and they made the wrong choice.

I love it when people say, "Oh, you go to [your school], you must be so smart!" It's awkward and a pain a lot of the time, because, seriously, how do you answer that? (Say yes and you look arrogant, but say no and you're being kind of dishonest. I just smile and laugh usually. People don't know how to respond to that.) But I love that people recognize that our school is a great place to get an education, and I'm proud to represent that. Sometimes people tell me about their niece or nephew or friend who didn't get in. I rarely hear about kids who got in and decided to remain in their home districts. Not because there aren't many of them (remember my sister??), but because that's nothing to brag about.

Next year, when people start saying to me "My son/daughter/niece/nephew/friend got in, but didn't go, because they don't offer Latin," I don't know what I'm going to do. All I know for sure is that I won't be proud--I'll be ashamed.

Jumping up and down

2008-10-28T21:25:00.000-04:00

BEST. HOUSE. EPISODE. EVER.

OH. MY. GOD.

More SAT fun...

2008-10-28T17:25:00.002-04:00

Today we received the results of the SAT/ACT Combo Practice Test, administered by Kaplan, that we took way back on September 5th. Here's the breakdown:

SAT:
Math: 740
CR: 640 (FAIL)
Writing: 760
Total: 2140

ACT:
Math: 30
English: 33
Reading: 34
Science: 33
Composite: 33

I kind of freaked out when I first saw those scores, but then I realized that this was BEFORE I started studying.

But you know what really freaks me out? I got ALL the "Global/Detail" questions wrong. All of them. I still get those questions wrong on practice tests.

And I failed the essay. 4/6. Which means 8/12. Which is bad. But whatever. I wasn't trying very hard at the essay, since I had never done one before.

I'm thinking about taking it in December. Tennis is over, so I get home fairly early, and I still don't have to take gym, so I have lots of free time at school, so I do have the time to study. I worry about the stress levels, though--my trimester 1 finals are November 10, 13, and 18, and then I have a Model UN Conference from the 20th to the 23rd. But that would still give me two weeks for last-minute studying before the test.

Any advice? I have til next Wednesday if I don't want my parents to have to pay a $23 late fee. Agh. This is so complicated. Classmates, when are you taking them?

I've already decided that I'm taking them in a town that's not my town but is near my town, because that's where I took the Math Subject Test, so I know my way around and stuff. Not knowing anybody there is helpful, too, because I don't have to be self-conscious about my sweatpants and super-old t-shirt.

Blogging as a Stress-Reliever

2008-10-27T19:27:00.002-04:00

I originally started this blog because I wanted writing about myself and my thoughts and just events in general to come easier. That's definitely happened. Initially, though, I was having to force myself to blog. It was like a homework assignment or a some obligation, something that I had to do. But as my blogging has become more frequent, I've found that the half an hour or so that it takes me to draft a post are really nice. I'm less stressed because of this blog, for so so so many reasons.

Giving myself the time to write and not think about school is such a blessing. I don't even know where to begin. Same thing with my bus ride in the morning. It's a time that I will not interrupt for work, under any circumstances. If I'm tired, I sleep. If I'm not, I listen to music. Either way, it takes the edge off the stress I'm getting from everywhere else. It's time for me to think, and blogging helps me focus my thoughts in ways that I never could before.

Blogging also helps me not get as annoyed at the idiotic things people do. If I'm angry about something or at someone, I can write a post about it, using the most defamatory language I can manage. During the day, I almost always have some sort of post brewing in my head. Yeah, I never actually publish those posts, but just getting the words out of me and into a place where they're preserved reminds me that six months after I write them, I'll have forgotten what made me so mad in the first place. (At least most of the time.)

Blogging's pretty cool. And to think I didn't start blogging until my friend (WHOSE BLOG HAS NOW DIED) did is pretty upsetting.

My mom has a new job.

2008-10-26T11:53:00.003-04:00

You may already know that my dad stays home and takes care of my sister and me and does housework and cooks and stuff while my mom works. (Apparently it's because when I was born, my dad had just quit his job and was being a student teacher but then decided that he couldn't deal with kids at school plus kids at home. He may have just been teasing, though.)

So my mom has a new job. Anonymity would be totally blown if I told you exactly what it is (obviously). She's still working for the same place, and is now doing stuff related to the financial crisis. In theory, this is a temporary job, for six to eight weeks, but both of my parents say that if it goes well, it could very well become permanent. Her hours are horrible. She's leaving the house before I wake up at six a.m., and not getting home until eight or nine. On weekends, she's out of the house from eight or nine until about four.

The benefit of her keeping this job permanently is that she takes the train to get there, not her car. So I could have her car next year and drive to school!